By Shannon Magsam
My frequent trips to Dr. Google’s private office started when I was pregnant with Ladybug.
I could visit him day or night, no restrictions. Most often I chose the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep and my mind wouldn’t get quiet.
My OB eventually banned me from the Internet. Well, he tried. I didn’t stop surfing pregnancy symptoms, but I did remember to leave off “This one lady who was five months pregnant wrote that she” before asking him about the next potential problem.
After Ladybug arrived I could then Google all of her symptoms, too. And then freak out accordingly.
Well, last night, the Googling started after I inserted the NuvaRing. For those of you unfamiliar, that’s a monthly “birth control option” that basically involves shoving a large ponytail holder-looking device into your nether regions.
I’d been having some nether regions/hormonal issues and my gyno thought the NuvaRing might be the ticket to sorting stuff out down there.
I’d been hesitant to use it because I can NOT take birth control pills. They make me as sick as I was when I was pregnant with Ladybug. But after two months of seeing the NuvaRing sample loiter in my refrigerator (where the instructions said to store it) I decided last night to bite the bullet, take the plunge, go for it.
The good news is that I’m not puking yet.
The bad news is I could soon be experiencing the following side effects, according to a comment thread I found by consulting with Dr. Google: blood clots, heavy discharge, horrific weight gain, hair loss, plummeting sex drive, frequent break-through bleeding and a trip to the crazy house.
Let’s also not forget those frequently-asked-questions like “Could it get lost in there?” and “Will NuvaRing fall out?”
I kept my husband up ‘til 1 a.m. talking about what could go wrong. I gave him instructions in the event of my untimely death (mostly involving Ladybug, though I reminded him that remarrying is not an option lest he hopes to be haunted from the grave).
While I was decidedly unreasonable (why did I do this at night when I was already exhausted and irritable anyway?) John was level-headed and said the following:
“It’s simple. Just sleep on it. If it still bothers you in the morning, you can take it out.”
Then he added with an evil grin: “If you survive.”
In the middle of the night, I started bleeding some. I think that’s normal, but I’ll probably call the nurse today just to be sure. So far it feels like I’m wearing a tampon and I can’t get past the fact that I’m so aware that it’s in there.
John said he bets I’ll get used to it soon like he did with the contacts he wears. Maybe.
In the meantime, everyone help me be on the lookout for those rogue mood swings. What are you looking at, anyway?!
Shannon Magsam is mom to 8-year-old Ladybug, married to Ladybug’s dad, John, and co-creator of nwaMotherlode.com. To read previously published installments of Life With Ladybug, click here. Leave a comment if you’re so inclined. I’d love to hear your thoughts about the NuvaRing or any other little thing on your mind. JUST LEAVE A COMMENT ALREADY!!!