Inside His Head: Husband doesn’t care about his appearance anymore
Welcome back to Inside His Head, a monthly feature on nwaMotherlode which offers women an opportunity to take a little spin inside the minds of men.
From time to time, all women ask themselves this question: What was he thinking?!
In this space, our panel of anonymous husbands answer questions from local moms like this one:
Dear Husbands,
My husband doesn’t seem to care about his appearance anymore and it drives me crazy. I don’t think he’s depressed or anything; he just seems to be fine with being sloppy, like he doesn’t need to impress me anymore. I feel shallow about being bothered by it, but I can’t ignore the fact that it does. How do I bring up/talk about this topic without coming off as mean?
GRAY: Has your prince charming gone the K-Fed route, exchanging his swagger for fat-covering sweatpants? Do you find yourself looking at photos from a couple years ago and wondering what the heck happened? Well, welcome to being an adult when our metabolism slows down and we’re too stressed out between mortgages and work to find time to go on those 5-mile runs every day.
Speaking as a man, I’m not a physically glamorous specimen, nor am I a keen dresser, nor am I the most fastidious housekeeper; however, I wasn’t aware part of a husband’s responsibility was to keep their wife impressed in that manner.
If I’m going to be impressive it’s going to be by doing something like getting our taxes done and still making it to my daughter’s softball practice.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fan of the wave of obesity our country seems struck with. Health issues are serious things and making an effort to eat in a healthy manner and stick with an exercise program.
It’s easy enough to talk a guy into taking evening walks or a bike ride…maybe even join a fitness club together to give each other some support. And if he’s just suddenly become slovenly, then make him pick up after himself. It shouldn’t be a spouse’s responsibility to clean up after their mate as they would for a child.
At the end of the day you need to ask yourself if you’re concerned about him because you love him or if the real issue lies elsewhere. It’s never meanness when a conversation comes from the heart and because of compassion for another.
MAVERICK: You say he doesn’t care about his appearance anymore, which indicates he once did. So what has changed since then?
If you’re still making the same efforts you did to impress him, it seems like he’s had some sort of disconnect.
Barring some passive aggressive stuff, I think it really boils down to falling back into old bad habits or establishing new, bad ones.
You use the term sloppy, which doesn’t seem to mean he’s let himself go physically, more like he’s just not concerned much about his overall appearance, so that means clothing and/or haircuts.
Haircuts are simple. Tell him to go get his haircut when he looks scruffy.
Good example: “You’re looking a little scruffy. Why don’t you stop by and get a haircut on the way home tonight and then we can go out to a movie.”
Bad example: “You look like a freaking hippie. Don’t come home tonight without getting a haircut. I didn’t marry the wolf-boy from the circus.”
Next, I’d suggest taking him shopping to get some new shirts, pants and shoes. Something nice but not super pricey unless either he or you can afford it. Guys can get into a clothing rut pretty easily and we tend to stay in said ruts far longer than women. Once he has some new stuff he’s much more likely to wear something less grungy.
Try letting him know that some of his clothing choices are not particularly appealing to you and likely by extension most of polite society, but do it nicely. When he opts to wear a ratty t-shirt, maybe suggest something different, but don’t be hyper-critical.
Good example: “I really wish you’d wear that nice shirt you got last week. I’m wearing some of my nicer stuff - we’d match a little better.”
Bad example: “Oh, my God, I can’t believe you’re wearing that crappy ‘I’m with Stupid’ t-shirt again! You look like a hobo for crying out loud.”
What ever you do don’t ditch his stuff. We guys get attached to some of our clothing, t-shirts in particular. Just help him add more acceptable stuff to his wardrobe. The older stuff will eventually be worn out, eventually.
I’ve needed new shoes for months now and I keep either forgetting or balking at price.
If my wife bought me some new ones, I’d say thanks and wear them. My money says your husband will do the same thing.
MICHAEL: First I’ll assume that you take care of yourself. You’re not shallow to want your husband to look his best for you.
When we get married we’re making a commitment to each other to do our best for each other. Part of that commitment is to take care of our appearance to maintain a level of attractiveness that keeps our spouse interested. Having said that, I don’t think it’s unusual for a person’s level effort in this area to fluctuate at times due to things like fatigue or stress.
To address the issue, you need to approach it in a positive way.
If your husband isn’t dressing well comment on ads that you see with clothes that you’d like him to wear. Ask him to go shopping for some clothes. If he needs to work out, ask him to go on a walk with you or suggest he go to them gym for his health. If none of those things work, you’ll simply have to ask him why he doesn’t put forth the effort that he used to.
Post a CommentGood Gossip: Cute couple and Voice replacements?
Okay, we admit it. We love a little celebrity gossip but don’t want to do something we teach our kids not to do. It’s never good to indulge in stuff meant to humiliate or hurt another person. That’s why we came up with the concept of “Good Gossip,” which is celeb news minus any mean stuff. Have as much as you want because this “dish” is all guilt-free.
As always, this feature is sponsored by Great Day Farms, a national brand based right here in NWA. Look for their products at the Walmart Supercenter. Click HERE to like them and get coupons on their Facebook page.
Did we mention that Great Day Farms is once again the lead sponsor for the NWA Mom Prom? It’s scheduled for April 26, 2014. Get the details at www.nwaMomProm.com. Tickets are on sale now!
Isn’t it great when celebrities seem to find what appears to be a pretty normal, loving relationship despite their superstar status? In the most recent issue of People magazine, there’s a cute profile of actors Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield, stars of the upcoming The Amazing Spider-Man 2 movie, which hits theaters early next month. Emma and Andrew have been dating for nearly 3 years now but seem to be going strong. They met when she auditioned for the first Spider-Man movie in 2011. Andrew has said that she was the last person to audition and that, despite being really tired, he “woke up” when she came in and sparks began to fly shortly after that. They are both close to their families, tend to avoid Hollywood nightlife and pay special attention to their youngest fans. During the recent press tour, Andrew visited an after-school club for disadvantaged kids and showed up as Spider-Man carrying a pizza. The organization’s chief executive said the kids were “completely dazzled.”
A recent article in USA Today suggests that Gwen Stefani and Pharrell Williams might be filling the empty seats in those huge, spinning red chairs on The Voice. The chairs are left behind by Cee Lo Green, who’s not returning to the show and Christina Aguilera, who will be on maternity break when the next season starts filming in June.
Here are a few things you might not have known about Victoria Beckham: Despite plenty of photos that suggest otherwise, she says she actually laughs a lot. She likes to bake brownies and also wants to run a marathon one day. Before her Spice Girls fame, she worked as a part-time “perfume girl” at a department store. Her favorite celebrity meeting was with Sarah Jessica Parker and her favorite TV show is still Sex and the City. She confesses to being a terrible driver. As for dream dinner dates? She says Hillary Clinton would be at the top of her list.
Jamie Foxx knows how to enjoy an occasional “cheat day” from healthy eating. He says his favorite indulgence is Shake Shack. “I got a triple ShackBurger, fries with the cheese and grape soda. I’ve had it a couple times, and I just had to go get it again.”
Source: People magazine, April 28, 2014 issue and USA Today
Good Gossip is sponsored by CCF Brands, a Northwest Arkansas company which makes Great Day All Natural Eggs. These eggs are produced by happy hens who are fed premium vegetarian diets with no animal fats, animal by-products, or antibiotics. Great Day Farms also offers hard-boiled eggs, which you can find in the deli section of the Walmart Supercenter. (Love the hard-boiled eggs because they’re peeled and ready to eat! Perfect in salads.)
Giveaway: 2 Tickets to Mom Prom April 26th!
We’re SO EXCITED about the NWA Mom Prom which happens THIS Saturday, April 26th from 7 p.m. to midnight at the Springdale Holiday Inn Ballroom. We’re in the last few days of ticket sales, so we’re kicking off this final week by giving away TWO tickets to Mom Prom to one Motherlode reader. If we draw your name (at random), you and a friend can come party until the stroke of midnight at the “ultimate girls night out” event in NWA. This awesome party is made possible, again this year, by presenting sponsor Great Day Farms.
HOW TO ENTER: To throw your name in the online hat to win two tickets to Mom Prom, just click the words “post a comment” below and tell us at least one reason why it’s so important to hang out with your girlfriends now and then. (For us, it’s all that laughing! Sharing good chocolate is a big plus, too, and we’ve got an incredible dessert table lined up for the Prom.) What do you love about a night out with the girls?
We’ll choose a name (AT RANDOM) on Wednesday and notify you via email, so please watch your inbox. We want the winner to have a few days to make plans to attend.
WHAT IS MOM PROM? Just in case you don’t already know, the NWA Mom Prom is a massive girls’ night out, intended for women and mothers age 21 and up. (You don’t have to be a mom to attend, but you do have to be female and 21.)
It looks and sounds just like a real prom, except we ditched all the teenage drama and angst and left only the fun stuff. This is the PERFECT opportunity to dress up, go out with your friends, eat, dance, laugh, have professional and photo booth photos made with your buddies, AND possibly win one of the amazing raffle prizes featured at Mom Prom.
There’s no other event like this one in NWA. Although Mom Proms happen across the country in various cities, this is the ONLY one in the state of Arkansas. A portion of proceeds go to support a local non-profit called Laundry Love, which partners with laundromats throughout NWA to clean the clothes of those living in poverty. Laundry Love is an initiative of The Cobblestone Project.
WE WANT YOU THERE! As moms who watch our pennies, we completely understand that many moms are reluctant to spend money on themselves and might not buy a $40 ticket to Mom Prom for that reason. We’re careful with money, too, so we get it. But please keep in mind that this is one of the least expensive charity fundraisers in our area and it offers a huge return.
Not only do you get five hours of entertainment with friends, you also get free professional photos, photo booth pictures, amazing food and desserts, and you’ll leave with a really cute Swag Bag, sponsored this year by Pinnacle Hills Promenade Mall and stuffed full of goodies. In short, this is a DEAL, ladies. The cost of the ticket is likely the same or lower than what you’d spend on dinner, drinks and a movie with friends, and the money raised goes to a wonderful non-profit which helps families in our area.
And yes, you really DO have something to wear to Mom Prom. We guarantee that something you have in your closet right n
ow will work. Last year there was a wide range of dresses represented at Mom Prom — everything from casual summer maxi dresses to formal floor-length gowns. Anything goes! Just wear something you feel great in. Click HERE to get your ticket right now.
Here are a few of the highlights about this year’s prom:
DANCING QUEENS, REPORT TO THE DANCE FLOOR: We happen to think dancing is pretty good for the soul and a se
rious stress reliever. We had so many women dancing at last year’s Mom Prom that we ran out of dance floor and spilled over onto the carpet. So this year we’re bringing in a larger, seriously cool LED dance floor to kick the party up to the next level. The high-tech dance floor is sponsored by Flooring America by Carpetsmart.
LADIES LOUNGING: Theraderm Clinical Skin Care is sponsoring the gorgeous lounge area at this year’s Mom Prom. The lounge is full of beautiful white sofas and is the perfect spot to sit with friends, have a drink and snacks, and take a little breather from all the dancing. There will also be ladies from Theraderm there providing some free pampering services like hand massages. (No need to buy a thing! This is all complimentary, thanks to our awesome Lounge Sponsor.)
BEST FOOT FORWARD: First Bank is sponsoring the “Shoe Bank” again this year! Woo-hoo! That was such a hit last year as moms “deposited” their sparkly shoes in the cubbies. After dancing the night away, Prom attendees could “withdraw” their shoes.
GLAM SQUAD AT YOUR SERVICE: The “Mom Prom Glam Squad” is a new addition this year and we KNOW you’re gonna love it! Stylists and make-up artists from Brieshi Salon and Spa in Rogers will be at the Prom, located near the photo areas, to touch up your make-up and fix any fly-away hair for you — free o’ charge! Haven’t you always wanted your own glam squad, just like the celebrities use? Well, now you do.
You’ll want to let the Glam Squad get you all fixed up before you visit the Photo Shoot Station, which will once again be sponsored and hosted by our favorite local photographer, the amazing Lisa Mac of Lisa Mac Photography. (Remember all those incredible shots she took last year? We’re SO PUMPED she is back for this year’s Mom Prom.) Once again, all photos will be available for free download a week or two after Prom night.
A PHOTO BOOTH MACHINE, TOO! Because the Prom photos were SO popular last year, we’ve added an additional photo area to this year’s Mom Prom. (You can do both areas!) There’ll be the Photo Shoot station, just like last year. And there will also be a traditional Photo Booth Machine that you climb into with a few friends. The photo booth will print your picture card immediately so you’ll have a memory to take home and put on your fridge immediately. The new Photo Booth is sponsored by Sisters Mercy Women’s Health Boutique.
NEW PROM QUEEN PERKS! The 2014 Mom Prom Queen will truly feel like royalty when she’s crowned and then presented with a sash, crown, flowers and a $500 First Security Bank Visa card! First Security’s signature color is teal, so the Prom Queen sash will be that color as well. The Prom Queen is chosen at random from among all ticket holders, so anyone can win!
RAFFLE REVELRY: One of this year’s raffle items will blow your mind. It’s a brand new washer and dryer set from Metro Appliances & More! For a $2 raffle ticket, you might end up with appliances that normally sell for over $1,000, delivered to your laundry room. Sweet, huh?
NEW CELEBRITY DATES! The celebrity guys were a HUGE hit last year. Those hunks were hauled from one end of the ballroom to the other (and visited at least one hotel room before coming back downstairs to party!). Sponsored by The Mustache, we’ll have some new dates for you to dance with and snap pics with this year!
A BALLROOM FIT FOR A QUEEN: If you want to stretch Prom night into a slumber party at the hotel, you can! Just book a hotel room at the awesome Holiday Inn by calling 479-751-8300 and mention the Mom Prom to get a discounted room rate. This hotel staff went above and beyond to help make last year’s prom amazing and they’re already making sure we have everything we need to make this one spectacular Prom Night! Once again, Metroplex Even Center will turn the hotel ballroom into a work of art worthy of so many pretty women. We have some new decor ideas that we know you’ll love. The Party Place is helping us out with some special plans this year as well. Back by popular demand, the awesome Dancenhance DJ at last year’s Mom Prom is coming back for this year’s party! His name is Frankie, and he takes song requests. 
Socialize with us before, during and after the Mom Prom on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. The hashtag is #nwaMomProm. Be sure to like the NWA Mom Prom page on FB by clicking here. We’re making room for about 100 additional women at this year’s Mom Prom, so please tell your friends who might not have come last year.
Questions? Email us at mamas@nwaMotherlode.com. And be sure to check in often at nwaMotherlode.com and nwaMomProm.com for news about additional Mom Prom surprises. Can’t wait to see you all at the Mom Prom!
Giveaway: If you’re a blogger or want to start blogging, you’ll love this!
If you’re a blogger and would like to step up your game — or if you’d just like to dip a toe into the blogging world — the Social Fabric Conference is a great place to start.
And the best part is we’ve got 2 SoFabCon tickets to give away so you can check it out for ZERO dollars with another friend who might be interested in learning more about ruling a little corner of the blogosphere
ABOUT SoFabCon: Think of it as a retreat from the day-to-day, and a focus on the big picture. SoFabCon is a unique experience between bloggers and industry professionals. One that gives both parties a seat at the table to build true relationships and learn from one another. It’s a time to have fun, be enlightened, be inspired and get to know bloggers from all over.
The idea of SoFabCon originated as a place where Collective Bias’ Social Fabric community members could meet face-to-face, build relationships with clients they’ve worked with and continue their education as a Blogger Professional. It quickly morphed into an event for all bloggers and influencers interested in learning some new skills, meeting new people and learning more about Collective Bias and Social Fabric.
Collective Bias® is a publisher of high-quality, user-generated content that creates conversational relevance for brands at scale. Social Fabric®, is CB’s proprietary community of influencers — a.k.a. bloggers who have interests and blogs about all sorts of topics.
Here’s a video recap from last year, which should give you a little insight:
HOW TO ENTER: Just click on the comment button below and tell us the name of your blog (and feel free to add a link!) or what you’d like to write about if you ever started one.
Would you blog about fashion, motherhood, a specific struggle?
You may also email your answer to us at giveaways@nwaMotherlode.com.
INCREASE YOUR ODDS OF WINNING: If you’d like to increase your odds of winning these 2 conference tickets, just share! Email friends and family about the giveaway and CC us so we’ll be sure to give you credit. We’ll give you an extra chance to win for each person 
you tell. The email is giveaways@nwaMotherlode.com.
(You can also earn an extra chance to win by signing up to receive the free email newsletter we send once a week. The sign-up box is at the top right of this page.)
BE SOCIAL: You can also earn extra chances to win by commenting on our Facebook page, following us on Twitter or following us on Pinterest. If you do any of those, just mention it in your comment or email so we can give you proper credit.
TICKET INFO: If you don’t want to take any chances on winning these tickets, CLICK HERE to buy one or to find out more about the event.
Good luck! We’ll choose a winner on Friday and email you on Monday (AFTER Mom Prom! HA!)
Devotion in Motion: The Beauty of Faith on Easter Morning
6 But he said to them, “Do not be alarmed. You seek Jesus of Nazareth, who was crucified. He is risen! He is not here. See the place where they laid Him.
7 “But go, tell His disciples–and Peter–that He is going before you into Galilee; there you will see Him, as He said to you.” Mark 16:6,7 (NKJV)
By Bro. John L. Cash, “Country Preacher Dad”
My favorite preacher of all time is Dr. Martin Luther. If you were paying attention in school, you’ll remember that he started the Reformation back in Germany over 500 years ago.
At first glance, that such an ancient author is my favorite constant companion sounds incredibly boring. But the writings of Brother Martin fill my heart with spiritual light and unspeakable joy because his writings are so very real; He is humble and yet profound, deep and yet earthy and humorous.
Though he lived so long ago, he understands the blessings and struggles of the Christian life—which are the same now as back then. (Believe it or not, Susan and Spencer have begun to share my love of this pastor after stumbling upon my books—after thinking me to be somewhat of a crackpot for so many years. I’m expecting Seth to jump on the bandwagon next.)
Throughout my adult life, the volumes of Luther have always been on my nightstand and are my nightly devotional reading before I turn out the light. Susan always says, “You love Martin Luther more than you could ever possibly love me.” I always give her the same answer: “Not more, honey. Just different.” You see, in my estimation, no one understands and expresses the beauty of our faith better than Martin Luther.
Every Easter I find myself at a loss for words—I just don’t have words good enough to express what I feel about what God did for us on that happy resurrection morning. Since I can’t find the words I need, I’m borrowing them from Martin Luther’s prayer on Easter Sunday, 1533. I hope his words make you as happy as they make me. (The formatting and emphasis is mine.)
Almighty God,
Who through the death of Thy Son hast destroyed sin and death,
And through His resurrection hast restored innocence and eternal life
That we, being delivered from the power of the devil,
May live in Thy kingdom,
Grant that we may believe this with our whole heart
And steadfast in this faith, ever praise and thank Thee,
Through Thy Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.
Grant, dear Lord God,
That the blessed Day of Thy holy advent may come soon,
So that we may be redeemed
From this bad, wicked world
(The devil’s dominion)
And freed from the terrible plague that we must suffer
From without and within
(From wicked people and our own conscience.)
Do Thou dispatch this old maggot sack
That we may finally get a different body,
Which is not full of sin,
Inclined to unchasteness and to everything evil
(As this present one is)
But one that is redeemed from all bodily and spiritual misery
And made like unto Thy glorious body, dear Lord Jesus Christ,
That we may at last come to our glorious redemption.
Amen.
(From our house to your house, have a wonderful Easter. Take time to feel the joy. Jesus Christ is risen, indeed! Allelujah!)
Dr. John L. Cash is the “Country Preacher Dad.” He was raised in Stuttgart, Arkansas, and has spent the last 28 years being a country preacher in the piney woods five miles south of the little town of Hickory, Mississippi. (On week days has a desk-job at a public school, and until recently taught Latin on closed-circuit-television.) He and his lovely wife, Susan, live in the parsonage next door to the Antioch Christian Church. Their kids include Spencer (age 22), his wife Madeline (age 22), and Seth (age 19).
Stay in touch!