By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos
Lately, my kids have become British in the morning and rednecks hillbillies after four in the afternoon. I don’t really know what’s going on with them, but they definitely have split personalities. I must admit their accents are nearly perfect, and in some small way I take credit for this. I don’t know how I gave them these amazing abilities, but obviously they’re talented simply because I am awesome.
The mornings have been starting off with mint tea for Hayes and breakfast tea for Kat. They’ll have buttered toast made in a pan — not in the toaster. They talk with British accents while they do their math and grammar and hold their pinkies up. They think they’re British royalty, I’m quite sure. My name is “mummy”. Everything is ”cheerio” and “jolly good”.
Things start to deteriorate quickly after the tea is gone. Fights erupt over who gets to be closer to the heater, what pencil they’re using, who is breathing too loud…it’s a lot like the British Empire fussing at the colonists, actually. I play the part of Supreme Commander of the World in these fights. I step in, yell, threaten, and everything is peaceful for a full minute.
By the afternoon, Britain is forgotten. “Redneck Land” is open for business. This is infinitely more hilarious than pretending to be royalty. If only I’d let them have mullet hairdos, they’d be the next stars of Dogpatch: The Forgotten Generation.
My dear daughter, who was British just hours before, will acquire a redneck accent that would make the Duck Commander crowd stand up and “slap yo momma, y’all!” It’s pretty spot-on. She also says stuff like, “In the olden days…before Instagram..” and “Before color was invented, I would order strawberry ice cream, but it looked like vanilla.” She has an Instagram account with these ramblings called @paul_the_trucker. Really. Could I make that up? {Insert my blank stare here.}
Yes. I drink a lot of wine lately. I mean….wouldn’t you?
My kids are outgoing and hilarious and a ton of fun to be around.
At home. By ourselves.
Or in front of a camera for their YouTube videos.
Enter in any adult that I’d like to introduce them to or even a friend’s parents that they’ve known forever, and suddenly they become these withdrawn, sullen, mute creatures that embarrass the crap out of me. (Writing that will probably embarrass them, but paybacks for embarrassing a mom with an audience are…you know…brutal. Plus, my mom keeps reassuring me that I was the same way and that their kids will do the same to them. One can only hope.)
I realize we all have split personalities. Some people, some places, and some situations bring out the best in us and some just don’t jive well. I can be funny, animated, and extremely extroverted with one group of people and quiet, reserved, and reflective with another group. Which one is the real me?
I don’t know.
I think both.
Life is weird. One minute you’re singing at the top of your lungs and the next minute you’re reading quietly in the corner. I don’t know who the “real me” is anymore than I can figure out if my kids are British royalty or Redneck rock stars. Seasons change, styles change, and environments change and as these changes happen, I guess we change, too. Thank you, God. I mean, I don’t want to be the girl I was in high school. Do you?
The other day I saw a man in my neighborhood walking around the block. He walks a lot. Something was different that day, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. It dawned on me as I walked out to my car on his second pass of my house: He was making the loop the opposite way from the his usual stroll.
“Nice day!” I shouted. “Trying a new way?”
“Everything looks different from this direction!” He laughed.
Doesn’t it, though? As spring approaches, I hope all my personalities change for the better. I hope yours do, too.
Cheerio, y’all.
Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! 🙂
