Dear Inside His Head guys,
My husband always buys me lingerie for Christmas. It’s never the right size and is always a little too risque for me. I feel like this is a present for him. How can I explain I’d rather skip this tradition?
I’ve read it’s the next big thing. Rumor says it’s going to replace Zumba.
Seriously, if it’s not something you normally wear, or even wear on special occasions, then it’s pretty clear it is a gift for him. There’s really just two ways to go: direct or indirect.
Directly telling him you appreciate the flattery, but each outfit just gets tossed in the drawer, returned or tossed out can get the message across clearest. If you’re not into being blunt, then you might say the money he spent might have the same effect if he spent it taking you out on a nice night out on the town.
Being indirect can sometimes be clearer. After opening the lingerie, pull another gift from under the tree and act surprised by the new fly rod you gave yourself, or set of wrenches, or, well, you get the picture. But maybe that’s not quite the proper Christmas spirit.
He likely doesn’t understand lingerie doesn’t make you feel seductive as much as it makes you feel like Minnie Mouse. But however you slice it, unless you want to go through the motions for the next 30 years, it’s best to get the issue out in the open now, mostly because there are only so many shopping days he has left after all.
You don’t have to be harsh and crush his ego, but you can be direct or give him some direction.
If you just don’t do lingerie but you still like sex with your guy, simply say, “I don’t need that stuff to get my motor going. I’d rather be nude, or in an old t-shirt” and then show him that’s the truth.
If you need certain sizes, remind him when it gets close to his traditional lingerie gifting times what sizes you wear. Write them down and put them in his wallet and remind him they’re there.
If some styles he likes don’t work for you, just cut out some pictures of more flattering items from Victoria’s Secret or send him links to what you like in an e-mail.
But if he’s getting you lingerie instead of something else you’d rather have — like a g-string instead of a diamond ring — don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater. Say something like, “I think lingerie is a present for both of us. I like it when you buy it but when you do, you’re not off the hook for a gift I can show my mother.” Or simply make a new rule, and it can be made in a way that doesn’t insult him, that presents of lingerie don’t come at major holidays or birthdays.
Now remember, if he’s getting you something slinky to wear in the bedroom it’s his way of telling you he thinks you’re desirable and attractive.
If him gifting you with something that says “I want you” is really just a reminder that you don’t like sex with him, or just don’t like him period, well then I feel sorry for the poor slob because you’re clearly holding a grudge that goes way beyond naughty knickers.
I’m sorry about that, Shannon. I’ll talk to John the next time I see him. This question really hits close to home because my wife is always buying me sexy lingerie that I don’t feel comfortable wearing, especially to her book club meetings as she insists. I’ve tried telling her that I don’t look good in baby blue, either, but my complaints always fall on deaf ears.
Seriously, though, I wear them for her because I can pull them off, literally and figuratively.
If you want your meathead to stop buying you lingerie, the easiest solution is to tell him to stop. As a reward, you promise to not whomp him in the head with a frying pan or wear something special you’ve picked out to his next book club.