Welcome back to nwaMotherlode’s once-a-month feature, “Inside His Head” which is written by an anonymous panel of husbands. If you’ve got a question for our outspoken guys, just send it to mamas@nwaMotherlode.com and it may be featured in an upcoming installment. Now on to this month’s question:
Q: My husband never gives me a present for Mother’s Day. His excuse: “You’re not my mother.” I figure giving birth to his three kids qualifies me for acknowledgment on that day. Who’s right?
GRAY: There’s a great thing about Mother’s Day: it has a very descriptive name. On a birthday we celebrate a person’s birth, on Thanksgiving we celebrate what we’re thankful for and for Mother’s Day, well, I think you see the pattern.
See? It’s just this kind of thing greeting card companies love. No small wonder Mother’s Day is always cited as being the top card-giving day on the calendar. It’s all those guys who feel guilty for not buying something, however frivolous, because the calendar tells him to. They stand dumbstruck before the card rack wondering if the Mother’s Day card with the frilly letters or the cute puppies would be more appropriate.
We husbands have been content with ugly ties that get relegated to the deepest, darkest recesses of our closets for eternal slumber, what do you expect from us in return? A fruit basket?
Your husband ought to help your kids get something for you and, by all means, get something for his mom, but I think that’s where our obligations end. I know a ton of moms, but I only have one and I’m sure not acknowledging all the rest of them. If you want to be acknowledged for the relationship you have with your husband then celebrate Valentine’s Day or if you want to know how special you are, wait for your birthday. If those aren’t enough, I’d petition Hallmark.
I’m sure they’d have no problem coming up with Wife’s Day, assuming they don’t have it in the works already.
MAVERICK: I’m gonna say yeah, he should get you a Mother’s Day present.
Technically you’re not his mother, but you are the mother of his children so that’s close enough for horseshoes and hand grenades.
Mostly, your husband should do it because it’d make you happy.
And because he likely owes it to you big time, since if he’s a jerk enough to quibble over something like this when you clearly would like some acknowledgment, he’s gotta be a real piece of work to live with. So, you likely deserve a present or two on standard holidays at the very least.
I have to wonder though, are you the type who accepts presents graciously? That might be at the heart of the issue.
It might not be that he really objects to buying you something on Mother’s Day, he might just hate to get you presents in general because you never appreciate what he chooses for you, and you bust his chops about it after the fact.
Barring that though, sounds like he should pony up for at least a card and some flowers — or maybe a massage.
You might simply make it clear to your hubby that a gesture that he appreciates you as the mother of his children would make you happy.
And we all know. If Mama ain’t happy, nobody is. Especially on Mother’s Day.
MAX: “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their
mother.” ~ Theodore Hesburgh
The short answer is “you’re right”. The slightly longer answer is, “Of course, you’re right because your husband is a lump.”
At the bare minimum, your husband should make sure the children’s gifts to you are rockin’. For example, last year I helped my then 1-year-old daughter get my wife a sweet Mother’s Day card that was “signed” by her. Of course, the card ended up having a booger on it — my daughter’s, in case you’re wondering — which actually made it all the more poignant and fitting.
One suggestion would be to go to your lump .. er, husband, and tell him the children have decided to take you out to dinner. Coincidentally, they have also decided to stay home with a babysitter at the same time, but want you to go eat somewhere really nice. If he doesn’t take the hint, make up the lumpy couch for him.