By Shannon Magsam, Ladybug’s mama
Lately I’m feeling wobbly. I’m being productive, but in the in-between times (I consciously imagine myself taking a smoke break sometimes, though I’ve never smoked a day in my life) I’m experiencing an out-of-balance feeling that I’ve tried – unsuccessfully — to put my finger on.
I’m not really dizzy. I’m not walking sideways. I don’t need a doctor. It’s on more of an emotional level. I bruise easily on words not meant to wound.
I’ve lived long enough to know there’s something to it and I should listen to what my body is trying to tell me.
Really, and if I look hard at this, I know it’s a feeling I associate with transition. Change — which makes me squirm. In the past, I’ve tried to think of caterpillars transforming into beautiful butterflies during a changeful event, but I usually fixate on that really hard part where he’s trying to squeeze out of the tight cocoon. Or the chick who’s stuck in a small, dark shell trying to peck its way out for dear life.
It’s a personal transition.
I have a BIG birthday coming up. I’m committed to getting my finances in order. Even on a professional level, we just passed nwaMotherlode’s second birthday and it feels like life is on the edge of something wonderful. And even wonderful can be scary.
Maybe it’s a shedding of the old skin. We do this many times in life. When we learn to walk, to ride our bike without training wheels, when we turn 13, when we graduate from high school, when we choose our adult path. And then many times throughout adulthood. I remember feeling this way (much more acutely) was when I was pregnant with Ladybug. Of course, the unbalanced feeling affected more than just my emotions. I was thrilled, ready to be a mom, but wow. So many changes I thought I might just fall over like Humpty Dumpty a few times.
And then again when I quit my full-time job and took on a new one called freelance writer.
And when my baby started kindergarten and I decided to start a new business.
One of the best ways I’ve found to help get through a shedding of the skin is to analyze the feelings, give myself some grace and then practice gratefulness. When I think of all the blessings in my life I can’t help but feel more balanced. It also helps me remember how I’ve faced challenges in the past and overcome them. Whether you’re 9 or 93, remembering how well we jumped a hurdle in the past gives us confidence that we can do it again. It also makes all the difference that I move ahead with God.
I realize I’m sounding a little out there, but I thought you might understand. I think we all feel wobbly sometimes. Right before we stand up and take those first few tentative steps forward. Into the unknown, but expecting the great.
Shannon Magsam is mom to 8-year-old Ladybug, married to Ladybug’s dad, John, and co-creator of nwaMotherlode.com. To read previously published installments of Life With Ladybug, click here. Leave a comment if you’re feeling unbalanced. If you are, I recommend writing about it in excruciating detail. I feel better already!