By Erin, adopting mama
On May 12, it will be one year since we officially became eligible for an adoption to go through.
In that time, we have had two adoptive situations fall through. We have also had countless dramas and problems with both of our families. We lost my Mom. 2008 was a tough year, and the beginning of 2009 have been among the worst months of my life. A lot can happen in a year.
If you asked me a year ago, I would have bet that we would have a baby in nine months at the LONGEST. I NEVER thought it would take this long. I think, though, that the Universe (insert your version of God here) works in mysterious and hard to understand ways.
Through all the suffering, things have a funny way of just “working out.” If I had been the mother to a new baby, even a baby as old as 6-9 months, when my Mom died, I know it would have been much harder. I took on so much of the responsibility for the work that needed to be done, and I had very reserved emotional and physical resources for Michael and Isaac.
Those strained resources would have been stretched even thinner with another baby to try to care for and be available for. I know that I would have felt robbed of these last two months of emotional attachment, bonding, and attention with a baby – they just grow and change so fast. I also know that I have not been ready for a new baby in these past 2 months. It would have been too soon – I would have felt hollow and less able to open up and give this new baby all that I can give.
So, here I am, 9 ½ weeks since my Mom died, 11 ½ months since our status of “parents-in-waiting” became official, and NOW I can truly say that I am READY – come on Baby Shlomo – we need you, we are waiting for you, we love you already.
