The ‘Mom Whisperer’ on The Art of Tweaking

Guest post by Vikki Spencer

I have to confess that I love the New Year and everything that goes along with it – the new daytimer(s), family calendar, and the urge to change something! The beginning of a New Year lends itself to a gentle tap on the shoulder to make life better in some way. Whether it’s to be a better mom (whatever that means), take care of our health, (read: lose weight) or make better financial decisions (i.e.- go easy on the credit card) we dust off the dreams that never were and begin to believe that this time around change might be possible. When hope collides with the energy of a brand new year there is a magical chemical combustion – a New Year’s Resolution is born.

But for all the magical motivation that occurs, according to a University of Scranton study1, resolutions may be not be the most effective vehicle for long term change (and let’s face it, there’s hardly a resolution that doesn’t require months of work). The study shows that after the first week 75% of committed resolution makers are still chugging along. After six months, only 46% have incorporated the change into their lives and have succeeded toward making lasting change. Until we make resolutions and try to stick to it, it’s hard to know which side of the 46% we’ll fall on.

So, for those who need a better than 50-50 chance of success, here’s another concept that works hand in hand with resolutions, but provides more success: the art of tweaking.

To accomplish resolution goals, most go 100% and then fizzle out (usually when we have to take care of sick children, or when we have to fulfill the other 999 commitments). Enter tweaking. Tweaking implies that while there is a bigger picture to work toward, it’s the subtle changes over time that will earn success. Tweaking also acknowledges that almost no one with children can singlehandedly overhaul their lives to make sweeping changes. Let’s look at tweaking a mom’s resolution to lose weight.

Mom is ready to be “toned Terry” at the pool this summer and declares she will lose 25 pounds by June. Then, instead of going hog wild and tossing out every cookie in the house, plotting a daily grinding work out schedule, and swearing off every sip of alchohol, mom tweaks her life instead. She commits to 2-3 walks in the neighborhood each week. Instead of abolishing all sweets (after all, mom alone knows where the leftover holiday fudge stash is) allows herself two sweets a day. It’s not a painful sacrifice and (surprise!) there are actually results. After a week or two of success, mom wants to tweak a bit more. She adds in the recommended amount of water. Maybe she’ll even toss in a salad once a week. None of this disrupts family life, and mom continues to work toward her goal of “toned Terry” for the summer.

Here’s the amazing thing about tweaking life. While it doesn’t sound like these little changes are making a big difference, changing is so easy that chances are, more will be consistently accomplished. No pressure. Once tweaks are incorporated a few tweaks into your routine, a few more can be tossed in.

The art of tweaking reflects the ancient Chinese proverb “The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step.” Don’t sprint. Enjoy the journey. Change comes to those who are enjoying small significant steps… and indulging in celebrations of success (or small bites of fudge) along the way.

Vikki Spencer, M.Ed. is owner of MomWhisperer.com, a personal development site for moms. For the last five years, she has been a professional life coach who supports moms to identify, create and celebrate change. She believes no one is “just” a mom and has been known to hold the Wii boxing title in the family.

1 Source: Auld Lang Syne: Success predictors, change processes, and self-reported outcomes of New Year’s resolvers and nonresolvers, by John C. Norcross, Marci S. Mrykalo, Matthew D. Blagys , University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology, Volume 58, Issue 4 (2002).