By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos
I have a problem. I fart a lot. I don’t mean the “stinky, come from places we sit on” farts, although I do that, too. I mean the even worse ones – words farts. They’re closely related to brain farts but more noticeable to the outside world.
I call them this because they’re embarrassing and always happen at the worst possible time. They make me feel slightly ashamed, although I’m able to laugh them off while I absently blame my age and what I had to eat that day.
Word farts happen most often when I’m busy and my brain is in overdrive. So, basically, every minute of every day.
What the heck am I talking about? I’m talking about stuttering over a word, mispronouncing a word, or, and this is my main problem, “switching” words in my mind so they come out a jumbled mess.
Example, I start to say “spill” change to “drop” and out comes “spop”.
What the heck is “spop”?
“Run” to “jog” = “rog”
“Cook” to “saute” = “caute”
“Facebook” to “Instagram” = “facebram”
My kids tease me mercilessly. They always know when I do it, even if I’m in another room. They smirk and give me the “we know what you did” look.
My clients look confused. Do they acknowledge what I did? Do they laugh? Do they ask if I’m okay?
This is why they are word farts, people. Embarrassing slips of the tongue that cause people around you to be uncomfortably amused and slightly concerned for your health.
The other day I had the worst word fart of all. I was at the grocery store, my home away from home, and was about to pay for my purchase. I was talking to the cashier as I hunted through my purse for my credit card.
Her: “Is everything today?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. Let me grab my ‘ceckisa’. I mean, my Visa.”
Her: (nervous laughter)
Me: (thinking to myself…”You just farted big time.”)
In case you were wondering, “card” + “check” + “Visa” = “ceckisa”
Rhymes with…nothing. Never mind.
Do I go back to this cashier again? Will she forget that I sounded like a moron? Is she telling the other cashiers that I spoke in tongues?
I have no idea.
All I can do is hope my farts are blown away with the wind and that everyone around me has short-term memory loss.
Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! 🙂
