By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos
Oh, bread! Why art thou so delish?
When I see you, I fill up my dish…
I have no self-control at all,
You leave me banging my head against the wall.
Or something like that.
I was never good at poetry.
All the problems in my life are caused by bread. There. I said it. I need to join Bread Eaters Anonymous because I have no self-control. If I don’t take that first bite, I’m fine. If I do…I’m toast. Literally.
I don’t have a problem with sweets. Chips are good…but I don’t crave them. Muffins? Heh…take them or leave them. Fresh baked bread with butter, still warm from the oven? Roll me home, because I’m eating that. All of that.
What is so good about flour and water and eggs and oil and whatever else?! I DON’T KNOW!! But it’s good. SooOOOoo good. Oh, look…new cellulite dimples are popping out on my legs as I’m typing this. Yay for me.
I’m trying to convince myself that I must be very holy because Jesus liked bread. He compared himself to bread. He fed people bread. In fact, the story about the 5 loaves and 2 fishes always bothered me because they had 12 baskets left over!! Twelve baskets of bread! I would keep thinking, Jesus made that bread. I bet it was the best bread ever! What did they do with the leftovers? Croutons? Save it for dressing? How could you not eat ALL the bread the Jesus made?
I mean, that’s just rude.
I tried to do the low-carb thing, and actually, it’s not that hard. The problem is that I can eat two pounds of meat at one sitting and not feel full. It’s true – ask my hubby! I’m also in love with all veggies, which is a good thing, but two pounds of meat and three pounds of veggies at every meal gets expensive. And I’m still a hungry grouch.
My problem, and the one that causes my self-control to evaporate, is that first bite of bread. The chemical reaction starts going on in my body and BAM! I have to have another bite.
I do that with a lot of things:
Exercising. Complete addict.
Netflix. Oh, yeah…totally addicted.
Wine. No comment. That’s a whole different article.
Today, for example, my daughter made banana bread. We make this a lot because our house is where bananas go to die. She made a loaf and it was ready at 12:13. By 12:46, it was gone. The whole thing.
I guess maybe I’m carb-loading for all that exercising, writing, and Netflix watching? And the bread does soak up some alcohol, so I can drink more wine. See how good I am at rationalizing my addictions?
I also read that eating bread makes you smarter and sexier.
Or maybe I wrote that…like just now. As I eat some bread with butter.
With my wine.
Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! 🙂