All Akimbo: Please help!

Well, it’s that time again. I’m in the last few days of the two-week wait, and, let me tell you – it’s torture. Again. You’d think I’d be used to it by now. I’m pretty much OK with it most of the time … it’s just the last bit of wondering “what if” and “could this be it” that gets me every time.

I’m not even sure there was ovulation this month.

(As an aside, my husband and I thought we could get away with talking in code in front of our 3-year-old, and until recently he ignored our cryptic conversation. But a couple of weeks ago, something spur of the moment came up and we were trying to hash out some plans for the week and I mentioned in the kiddo’s presence that I thought ovulation would be happening within a few days, and our son giggled, “No, Mama, it’s eggulation.” Ahem. What?! No, I don’t think he has any clue how accurate his humorous interjection really was. But I do think now we’ll have to resort to writing notes about our plans. We were really low-key in our response to his joke, and at least he hasn’t repeated his new word to anyone – yet.)

On a more serious note, has anyone out there ever had six days worth of positive OPKs in a row? What does that mean?! I’m wondering if I had an ovarian cyst this month and maybe that’s what causes so many positives … ? Anyone with knowledge or experience in this area?

Around the middle of my cycle, I resigned myself to the fact that this cycle was going to be yet another flop. As the days have worn on, I have let hope trickle in, even though I know how crazy that is. There’s a very slim chance that I’ll see that second line on a pregnancy test, and I know it.

I guess it’s a coping mechanism, this hope.

I’ve just gone out to buy a pregnancy test, to be taken in the morning. I’ll let you know when I’ve decided that the one line is all I’ll get, no matter how long I let it sit on the counter, and that I’m finally ready to toss it in the trash. Don’t worry too much about the wait. It probably won’t actually take all that long for me to reach that conclusion. In all honesty, I bought it just so I’ll know if it’s OK to stop the progesterone pills and let my period start – the only sure way to end the “what if” torture.

My doctor told me that if I wasn’t pregnant three months after the laparoscopy that I should come back in and talk with her about a three-month round of “depo.” This month is actually the fourth; I allowed myself one more chance because I didn’t ovulate the first cycle post-lap. I don’t know if she meant Lupron Depot or Depo-Provera, both of which my research has turned up as possibilities for treating infertility related to endometriosis. My research has also turned up a lot of scary side effects from those drugs.

Has anyone within reach of these words had any experience with either? I would love to hear how the medicine treated you. I mean, I know that most of the scary side effects are probably deemed “rare,” “extreme” and “unusual,” but the reports of years-long short-term memory loss and crippling depression are beyond frightening to me. Be straight with me – just how rare are they? Anyone?

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