Inside His Head: Is the beach out of reach for this mom?

OK, mamas, admit it. Sometimes you just can’t figure out what’s going on “Inside His Head”. We’re here to help. This feature is all about what guys really think. If you’ve got a question for our anonymous panel of husbands just send it to mamas@nwaMotherlode.com.

This month the question is from a mom who just wants a beach vacation. Is that so much to ask?

Q: My husband and I are trying to plan a family vacation for the summer and we’re at an impasse. He wants to hike/mountain bike and I want to relax with a book on the sand. The kids are also more interested in sandcastles and ocean waves, too. How can I persuade him that a beach vacation is the way to go?

MAVERICK: Oh goodness, this is an easy one.

Use sex.

Start leaving pictures of yourself in your bathing suit around. Let it slip that you’re getting a new, more revealing one if you go to the beach this year. Mention how you always feel more amorous when you smell the ocean and feel sand between your toes.

Tell him you’ve figured out a way to ditch the kids one night and you two can go out on an adult date, to a seafood restaurant and drink strong, rum-filled boat drinks. Ask him to practice rubbing suntan oil onto your back.

I can’t really believe women need this sort of advice. We’re really easy creatures to control and if you’re controlling us with sex, well, we’re willing slaves.

If he’s a eunuch or just a load, I guess you could convince him he could bike, or do whatever exertions he wants, on or around the beach. Shouldn’t be that hard to find substitute activities.

Still, that’s a lot of pointless effort. Play the sex card. You’ll both get what you want and have a great vacation. Vacation sex is the best.

GRAY: Compromise can often be a tricky thing. My wife and I have several: I cook, she does the dishes; I mow the lawn, she does the laundry; she takes care of the litter boxes and I, well, try to stay out of her way. Yet as easy as it is to suggest going somewhere where you and the kids can sit on the beach while he rides, that defeats the purpose of what vacations are about. Really, if you aren’t going to be around each other while on vacation then why even bother taking them together at all?

What it really boils down to is giving him a thump up side the head. If he’s the only one out of line then he ought to snap out of it and give in to the majority. I’m not suggesting he not have the opportunity to plead his case, but if the dust settles and he’s still the only one supporting his cause, then the family wins.

And what to do if he feels railroaded and is a bit sullen about things? Well, there’s always room for compromise. Find time to go mountain biking some time, just not this go round. Maybe the deal is that he gets to pick the venue for the following summer or gets dibs if you plan to do something in the fall. There are always clever ways to achieve a balance in life. Sometimes it means you’re the one with the litter box, but as long as life is generally equitable then a little bit of not getting our way every now and again is forgivable.

MAX:  “The secret is to always let the other man have your way.” ~ Claiborne Pell.

Can my simple one-word answer be “sex”? (this question is EASY!)

No? OK, well unless the beach you plan on vacationing is a 10-foot square comic strip island, then there is no reason you both can’t have your way. Find a beach for you and the kiddies that has access to hiking and mountain biking.

My wife likes to go shopping on vacation, but that doesn’t preclude us from going to the beach. (It usually precludes us from having enough money to eat when we get back home, though.)

Tell your husband that you need relaxation and you’re going to read on the beach, and the kids are going to swim and frolic in the waves. Reassure him he is more than welcome to go traipsing off in the local hills and valleys with a walking stick and his bicycle, and you even found a perfect
place to allows all of y’all to enjoy what y’all enjoy.

And if he ever wants to enjoy again …