I’m not about to say I never yelled at my kids. Because I did. Most of us lose it from time to time and our volume level goes way up.
But I didn’t let yelling become a default mode of communication. I certainly wasn’t going to let them yell at me, and that kind of respect should go both ways.
The other day at Walmart, I was in the cosmetics aisle looking for a certain color, and there was a mother and two kids in the same aisle with me. I didn’t need to eavesdrop because she was talking to them so loudly that I could’ve heard her from three aisles away.
It wasn’t just the volume level that got my attention. It was the way she spoke to them — in an annoyed, spiteful tone of voice that bordered on hateful. If you spoke to a co-worker in that same tone of voice, it would probably get you fired.
The worst part was that I don’t think she was even aware of how bad it sounded, which means it’s something she likely does often enough that it seems normal to her. Her kids may grow up thinking it’s okay to speak to people (and eventually their own kids) in that same, humiliating way.
A few days after that experience, I ran across this article on the Parents website that outlines 6 strategies to get kids to listen without raising your voice. It’s a helpful, informative article, and the strategies are solid.
Here’s hoping it helps all of us consider how to do the very tough work of parenting without sounding like a hateful bully.
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