All Akimbo: Baby-making vacations?

By Kim Blakely, Mojo’s mama

I think I might have finally figured out what I need to do to get pregnant. (Besides that.)

I need to take a trip. I’ve heard for years that a vacation ups your chance of conception, but I always thought that was a big ol’ lie dreamed up by the tourism industry. (Well, them and those annoyingly fertile people who insist that if I would just relax I could get knocked up already.)

Silly me.

Maybe I’ve just taken the wrong kinds of vacations. Maybe I needed a “special” vacation. Now, I’m trying to decide if I should give the “Fertile Turtle” package at the Marco Island Florida Marriott Beach Resort a shot or go straight for a dip in the fertility water of Kununurra in Western Australia.

What do you think?

The Fertile Turtle package includes a king-size bed and private balcony (Sounds like a perfect place to hang out with a good book, no? But … oh, wait … it’s possible you’re supposed to be engaging in less solitary activities.). There’s also a “welcome amenity” of red clover and raspberry teas, a couples’ massage with chaste berry and “fertility-promoting” aromatherapy, and a mysterious “authentic Balinese” gift to commemorate the occasion.

Rates range from $419 to $689 per night, and a portion of the package proceeds will benefit the sea turtle monitoring and protection project of the Conservancy of Southwest Florida.

Hmmmm…

It seems like a bad sign to me that the hotel offers a complimentary 3-night stay to couples who conceive during their visit (a birth certificate and proof that you stayed within 8 to 10 months of the birth date are required). I mean, if there was really a strong likelihood that a stay there would work, would the hotel really be as likely to offer such a gift?

Traveling to the Outback is bound to be more expensive than a trip to Florida but then Nicole Kidman, who suffered a miscarriage and years of infertility back when she was married to Tom Cruise, gives the waters there all the credit in the world for her pregnancy with little Sunday Rose.

That’s definitely something to think about. And it’s bound to be cheaper than IVF (without the benefit of insurance, at least).

I better hurry, though … I bet those waterfalls are so crowded with infertiles by now that I’d be lucky to get my big toe in.

Something else [I thought was] worth considering is this neat little PTeq USB pregnancy and ovulation prediction test I saw advertised online a while back. (Please note: I’m terribly embarrassed to admit how excited I was to see that someone had come up with such a neat-o-bandolito device … until I realized it was actually an April Fool’s joke. And yet, here I am, sharing with all of you anyway. I know! You must feel so fortunate, each and every one of you.)

The faux test, priced at about $20 – including 20 test strips – was described as having an absorbent strip at one end. The other end was meant to be stuck into the USB port of your home computer. It supposedly completed all manner of hormonal analyses, and all that data was to magically appear on the screen.

Sounds too good to be true, right? And it is. Oh well.

Anyway, it’s good to know my options aren’t up just yet. But as gullible as I am, I’m even more frugal (and with good reason! Have you seen what’s going on with the economy lately?!). I think the biggest trip I’ll be taking anytime soon will be to my doctor’s office to ask for a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist who might be able to help me right here in my hometown. My appointment is Thursday.