By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3
My boys, ages 7 and 4, came to the top of the stairs last night around 8 p.m. and called down to say they had an important question. “What is it?” I called back up the stairs, a little irritated because I knew that the burning question was really a stall tactic for delaying bedtime.
“Can we have a treat for going to bed?” they asked.
“What? No, absolutely not. Now get in bed right now or else there’s going to be trouble,” I threatened.
A treat for going to bed. Geeesh, what’s next? A treat for blinking their eyes? A treat for breathing in and out? Maybe I was just tired yesterday or maybe the rush to get things done has turned me a little grinchy lately. Whatever the reason, that treat question did not sit well with me.
What began as a simple, sweet positive reinforcement has slowly grown into a big, insistent treat monster that wants its bubble gum, star stickers and Skittles for every little thing. Do these kids think treats grow on trees? Do they think I just go out in the backyard and pluck some Tootsie rolls and Starburst candies off the treat tree and scatter them around willy nilly?
Perhaps I’ve been a little too casual lately about the treat basket. Those candies are supposed to be a tool for reinforcing good behavior, not a crutch or a sugar fix. I read an article years ago that warned against using treats at the wrong time, lest they become bribes for getting kids to stop behaving badly. And though I’ve been sorely tempted a few times, I have never offered one of my kids a treat to lure him or her out of a tantrum in progress. If you do that even once, you’re pretty much guaranteeing yourself at least a month’s worth of future tantrums.
So our treat policy has been to reward voluntary good behavior with a trip to the treat basket. For the most part, it has worked beautifully. Our two boys might still be in extra large diapers, were it not for the magnetic pull of the treat basket and the sugar-coated luxuries they found inside after a successful trip to the potty. When the boys dutifully eat an entire serving of green beans, it’s mostly because they’re hoping the payoff is a Batman fruit roll-up. We parents make our deals when we need to, and every day involves a negotiation of one kind or another.
But I sure don’t want my kids acting like they’re entitled to a handful of Skittles just for traipsing into a room. Heck, in my day, we had to walk backward to the dollar store in the blinding snow to get our Skittles, using coins we found under the sofa cushions. We didn’t just get them handed to us for simply putting on our pajamas without a fight. (Okay, I exaggerate but you get my point.)
Perhaps we’ll go on a treat embargo for a while and detox the sugar out of their systems. Maybe their brains have been clouded by a daily dose of Sweet tarts. Somehow I’ve got to teach these kids that the luxury of climbing into a nice, warm bed is a treat in and of itself – especially for tired mamas.
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Where did you get the fish bowl you wrote about in Sunday’s paper as a Christmas gift to your kids?