Military Mama: Family Planning and Preparedness

By Jade Stone

There is absolutely no substitution for a well thought out plan that allows things to run like clockwork. Our family is no exception. Military families even have to be prepared to not be prepared!

I know, it seems insane but it’s true. Family planning and preparedness is essential to the well-oiled machine that is the military family. While it can be difficult to plan for what is often the unknown, it can save you a tremendous amount of stress and heartache later! This has been on my mind a lot lately since, in light of the upcoming deployment, my husband and I have been seriously thinking about our future and what prospects may lay ahead of us.

We’ve been desperately trying to create a timeline that encompasses everything from the bills, to buying a bigger home and possibly expanding the family.

Right now, he’s getting ready to leave for the entire month of June with his unit for summer training which means we are planning for any pitfall or extra preparation we may need to do. For example, we will spend the next two weeks going over the vehicle, the house, and the budget with a fine tooth comb for any possible problems and their best possible solutions as well as clearing up an items that might be on the “honey do” list! Since often times, he’s not here to put his two sense worth in I try to keep him involved in the decision making before he leaves. It keeps him involved and engaged and doesn’t allow his brain to completely check out on us before he leaves.

At any rate, one of the things we are seriously considering is the possibility of having another child in the family.

Is it ever really a good time to add on to the family? I mean, when a couple talks about a new addition to the family a main concern is money or timing. I tend to believe that if you wait till you have the time and the money, you’ll never have kids.

Our situation however, is overcast by the looming deployment that lies ahead. For us, timing is everything.  The facts are 1) I don’t want to have children after the age of 35 (that golden birthday is in September!), 2) I teach so it needs to arrive near the end of May, and 3) he will deploy in the fall of 2011 if not sooner.

His biggest fear is that he would miss the birth (I’d prefer him to be there too!). That said, we are trying to schedule the perfect time that takes work, age, and the deployment into consideration and easily accommodates all three. It’s funny to think of having children in terms of appointments isn’t it? I find it humorous that we treat this as though we have so much control over nature that we can actually plan a thing like children! If we try to time it so that the baby is born next May, he might be present for the birth and possibly it’s first few months of life but he would miss another year of “firsts” just as he did with our first child due to a deployment.

We also need to keep in mind that where all things military are concerned, things change and when they do, it can be at a moment’s notice. It would be no surprise if the deployment was moved up to the spring of next year which could cause him to miss the birth altogether. I can only imagine the day we get that news, me being 6 months pregnant or more and finding out he will leave in April… This is a devastating thought to him!

Personally, I tend to think about the long term instead of the short term. I think to myself that in 10 years, I would love to have a family of 3 kids. I can imagine the holidays and family gatherings now! If that means I have them while he’s gone and have to deal with it alone, well, I will just take one for the team! Jay, on the other hand, can only envision all the things he will miss as a result of various deployments.

I try not to think about what it might be like being pregnant, maintaining a full time job and having a small child all on my own for a year. But no matter how hard I think that might be, it would all be worth it to me to have that new addition in our lives.

I can’t imagine what it must be like for the soldiers who miss all the little things like the first smile or laugh, the first words and steps. Maybe I’m over thinking the whole thing but I remember how heartbroken Jay was when he realized he would miss all of Jess’ “first” moments due to the deployment.  It was downright painful to look him in the eyes and try to comfort him and say, “It will be okay”…at that point, I don’t know that there was anything OK about it. The point is, no matter what, it’s going to be hard on Jay to deploy again knowing he’s going to miss child number 2’s first year all together.

I suppose this is probably a similar scenario for many families, not just those with military spouses but even those whose spouse travels the country and is home only on weekends or is gone a couple of weeks at a time, often without notice at all. They have no ability to plan ahead whatsoever!

So, the question remains, to expand or not to expand. To expand the family would mean to carry everything out on my own (well, almost everything! 🙂 in order to have the new munchkin. If we try to wait till he returns, I fear my age will be a problem and then the big family in my dreams will remain just that, a passing image in my imagination.

As a closing thought, what would you do?  How might you handle this situation?  Lord knows I will take all the feedback I can get!  I look forward to hearing from you!

Jade welcomes your comments here as well as any suggestions you may have for her future posts. You may also e-mail her at akajadestone [AT] yahoo [DOT] com. To read previous Military Mama posts, CLICK HERE.