We wanted to share Katherine Center’s video essay about motherhood (particularly mama-daughter motherhood) from the Mom 2.0 Summit held in Houston a few weeks ago. It’s co-produced by kirtsy.com and opmom.com. Photos by the Shutter Sisters. Thanks to Catherine Wright-Dilbert for sharing it with us.

By Vikki Spencer, MomWhisperer.com

Several months ago a friend and I are eating quiche at World Garden in Bentonville and I confess, “Jennifer, I think I’m a wimpy woman. I’ve just hit a wall and I have no good reason why.�

Jennifer, my unfailing advocate says, “Actually, I think you’re very strong. I think it’s worse when strong women burn out because they have taken more than the average woman can.�

“I’m not a wimp?�

“You’re not a wimp.�

“I’m burned out? But there’s no defining stressor, no huge reason…�

“Can’t life just wear you down and that be enough?� 

I don’t like to complain or  admit limits. But, in my head, I rolled around the thought of being a strong woman and experiencing “burn out�.  I realized there had to be a gift in admitting burn out, so I began to look. It’s like life gave me tiny sticky notes attached to the wall that life was flattened against. They all began to reveal that I needed to insert myself into life, not just conquer it. Here’s what 3 of the sticky notes said.

The Yellow Sticky Note: Strategic  “no’s�  and “yes-es�

Although I consider myself the queen of “no�, I had to reconsider strategically using it for things that I personally loved or didn’t love. “No, we’re not baking 6 different kinds of Christmas cookies this year.� “No, I can’t handle a sleepover with 2 friends tonight.� No, I can’t deal with the drama of a particular friendship right now, maybe later.

On the flip side, I began to honor myself by putting a limit on my “yes� list: “Yes, I would love to help out. The best I can do is once a month, will that work for you?� “Yes, I would love to meet for coffee, I only have one hour.�

Within 2 weeks, I began to peel myself off the wall.

The Pink Sticky Note: Leverage Strengths 

At the time of my quiche conversation my life wasn’t “stressful� on the outside looking in. So I wondered, “If I’m not necessarily stressed, what would make me feel burned out?�  One answer was that although my efficiency was enviable,  my life just didn’t reflect me. At all. I went along with everyone’s plans, with everyone’s desire to go out, or get ferried here or there, have this sleep over and go watch that sports game. 

I made a list of things I personally loved. It included Chinese, Thai and Indian food. It included sight seeing to new places, craft stores and book stores. It ended with green tea at night before bed.  

Within 3 weeks our family was sitting in an authentic Indian restaurant in Rogers ordering the curry lamb and rice dish because I actually cared where we ate on our one night out a week. 

The Blue Sticky Note: Path of Least Resistance

This one came from the eye doctor as I had my once every four year check up. The result? “Your eyes are overworked. They try to do too much. They don’t see clearly, so the muscles keep working until they get it right. By the end of the day, they are exhausted.� Hel-looooooooooo!

So, I had to identify where the daily places that I pushed through and if it was non-negotiable, how could I do it smarter instead of harder. One small change that restored my evenings was to reinstate my habit of cooking double batches and freezing them. One night off (or more) a week from cooking was a game changer. I replaced my 15 minute nightly routine of cleaning my clothes off the floor, ensuring the kitchen was clean, and de-cluttering the mail every night. For now, it’s once a week. Once a week. For this season, regrouping from burn out became more important than proving I could do it all. I already proved that. Now I had to heal from it with a hot cup of green tea before bed instead.

No one in my family questioned the few family “tweaks� or made guilt-inducing comments. They were really glad I was tending to myself  without shirking family responsibilities. Although it required a little sacrifice, they were glad to share in the adventure that I brought to our lives. Indian restaurants and bath stores were definitely new adventures. 

As strong mommas, burn out almost seems like a cop out. Often we don’t feel we can afford the luxury of saying “I’ve hit the wall.� But it may save the quality of our lives. The sticky notes have taught me that burn out comes with gifts of life lessons with the larger theme of inserting my self, my strengths, and my limits into a family that loves me.

Everyone’s lessons will be different, but when we admit we’re near “burn out�  the sticky notes begin to appear if we just look for them. 

2010 by V. Spencer

Vikki Spencer is a freelance writer and mom coach based in NWArkansas. She can be found online at momwhisperer.com.

By Maureen Brandolini, First Security Bank Mortgage Originator

By now, most of us have heard about the 2009-2010 Home Buyer Tax Credit, but many of us are still pondering the who, what, when and why of the deal. Some of you may not even be aware it applies to you!

The tax credit is not just for first-time homebuyers, but also for existing home-owners. Buyers who have never owned a home or have not owned a home in more than three years are eligible for first time home buyers tax credit of up to $8,000. To encourage existing home owners to trade-up, a tax credit of up to $6,500 is available if they have been living in their principle residence for more than five years. Of course, some restrictions based on income may apply.

Another very helpful incentive for those considering making the leap to home ownership – or those who are just ready for a change of scenery – is that the tax credit is a dollar-for-dollar tax reduction. In other words, if you owe little or no federal taxes, the government would write you a check. For example, if a homebuyer owes the government $3,000 in federal taxes and qualifies for the $8,000 homebuyer tax credit, the taxpayer would receive a $5,000 refund check from the IRS ($8,000 minus the $3,000 owed). Most of us would benefit from receiving an extra $5,000!

In more good news, real estate experts say right now is the time to buy because mortgage rates are historically low and affordability is better than ever. If you haven’t checked lately, mortgage rates are near 5 percent – the lowest level in decades. And if you take a look around, there is truly a great selection of homes to choose from. Home values in many markets such as Northwest Arkansas are at the lowest since 2003, and many builders have inventory that is “move-in ready.� They may even offer upgrades or other incentives to seal the deal. Similarly, owners of existing homes who are looking to trade-up or relocate are ready to bargain.

But the clock is ticking! Like all good things in life, the tax credit won’t last forever. Buyers must be under agreement by April 30, and close by June 30, 2010 to take advantage of the Home Buyer Tax Credit. We hate to say it, but there may never be another buyer’s market as good as today’s.

If you’re seriously considering taking advantage of the tax credit, but are unsure of how you will finance your new home, let us help. Over the years, we’ve helped many customers realize the dream of owning their own home, and just as many who’ve decided it’s time to refinance. The tax credit may not last forever, but one thing that will never change is First Security’s commitment to assist you in all your financial needs.

Whether it’s your first home or your dream home, act today! I’m available to answer all your questions, 479-273-1515 or mbrandolini@fsbank.com. You can also visit us online at www.fsbmortgageloan.com to get pre-qualified.

By Linda Richards

I’m excited to announce Northwest Arkansas now has a support group for mothers with children diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Our first meeting is on Tuesday, March 2,nd, from 5:30-6:30 p.m. at Panera Bread Co. in Bentonville.

We have the back room reserved for privacy and will continue to have meetings the first Tuesday of each month. Once we see how large the group is, the location may change. Although ADHD is our main theme, mothers with children diagnosed with any behavioral issue are welcome to attend. I’ve wanted to start this support group for a long time, and since I don’t know of any others that exist, I finally decided to just do it.

Managing a child struggling with ADHD and other behavior issues is taxing to a mother’s spirit. My son’s ADHD has challenged my abilities to parent and causes a strain on our family. Did you know that parents with children diagnosed with ADHD are more likely to divorce than those who aren’t? According to a study in 2008, the separation rate for parents with ADHD children by the time the child turns 8 years old is about 22% versus 12.5% for parents with healthy children. The rates are even higher when you factor in ODD (oppositional defiant disorder) or conduct disorder.

The study found that if parents stay together through the child’s first 8 years, then they will most likely stay together for good. I found this study interesting but not surprising. This gives me all the more reason to believe a support group would be beneficial to many women going through similar issues.

I have the best girlfriends a woman could ask for and they are very important to me. My husband is a great support for me, too,  but there’s nothing like a girlfriend who just “gets you.” I want to create a girlfriend support group for other mothers as well. Finding other mothers going through similar issues is heart-breaking to me but also a relief. There were days when I felt so alone in this battle.

What I hope comes from this support group is a way for mothers to find each other, share and learn from one another and, most of all, to be a support system. I hope to learn how other parents handle discipline, treatment, medication, school issues, etc. I hope my experiences can help guide others as well. This will be a place where we can share successes and failures, trade information on doctors and clinics, laugh and cry together — judgment free. I think letting go of how we as parents of ADHD or behavior-challenged children are perceived in public is the first hurdle to overcome in this journey. That and accepting our children for who they are is the best start to surviving this journey with your sanity intact.

If you or someone you know may be interested in participating in the ADHD Support Group, please contact me via email by clicking HERE.