Hey mamas. This is where it all started for me. Twelve years ago I managed to talk my editor into letting me write my own newspaper column. I was only 23 years old. Boy, what was he thinking? But I sure am glad he gave me the chance because the column has become a big part of my life. It has given me the opportunity to connect with readers in my own community and beyond, thanks to the magic of e-mail. The column runs in a few newspapers in Arkansas and Missouri and a few of the pieces have appeared in the Chicken Soup for the Soul book series.

I’ve compiled a few of my favorite columns on this page. Some are recent and some are oldies but goodies. If you’re in the mood for a love story, check out the Valentine’s column. If you’re a dog lover, click on “Good Dogs.” If you’re having one of “those days,” you’ll want to read “Isolation Booth.” If you’re potty-training a kid, then you can commiserate with me by reading “Naked Nuggets.” And if you’re feeling embarrassed about something stupid you did recently, then you must read “Laid an Egg” because you will feel infinitely better about yourself after you read it. I promise that whatever you might have done is not even a half as humiliating as what I did. Guaranteed.

If you like what you see, drop me a note. It’s always a pleasure to hear from fellow mamas.

Current Rockwood Files

My funny valentine

Second time around

When good dogs get old

The sound of silence

Today I laid an egg

What I’ve Learned in a Decade of Marriage:

1. “When I got married, I was stupid.” What I mean by that is, I had no idea just how huge a decision I was making. Sure, I’d heard all the blah-blah-blah about how marriage is a big step, but it’s hard to comprehend the blah-blah when you’re in your early twenties. What I know now that I didn’t know then is that choosing a person to spend your life with is perhaps the biggest factor in how the rest of your life will go. Education is important. Jobs are important. But nothing even comes close to who you choose to trust, to spend your life with, to make babies with. Nothing comes close to that.

2. “He just needs to drive.” This means that spouses have to learn their partner’s quirks and accept them. Tom needs to drive. Even though I’m a perfectly good driver with an excellent record, he can only tolerate being in the passenger seat for roughly 10 minutes and then it’s nearly killing him. He just needs to drive. What he has learned about me is that, while I will surrender the driver’s seat without much protest, I can not be driven down an unfamiliar road “just to see where it goes.” I need to know where we’re going. We’ve both learned to accept each other’s needs and drive or ride accordingly.

3. “Think before you speak.” That one speaks for itself, doesn’t it?

4. “Points are for losers.” When I first got married, I was under the delusion that arguments were opportunities to win or lose, as in “score your points and win your case.” That might work in a debate or a courtroom, but it really backfires in a marriage. That day-to-day point-keeping puts you on opposing teams. You stop rooting for each other and the whole thing can get bad pretty fast. Ten years has taught me to forget the points, be a good sport and win the game.

5. “Go to bed mad.” I know it totally goes against conventional wisdom but I stand by this one. There have been times, at the end of the day, when I’ve forgotten Rule No. 4 and become tangled in an argument – usually about something I can’t even remember a month later. But at night, when we’re tired or stressed, the fight really seems worth fighting about. But if I go to bed and let it decompress, the morning usually brings a dose of reality and perspective. So I say it’s okay to go to bed mad. Just be sure to get over it by lunch.

6. “Sometimes I’m wrong.” Boy, that was a tough one to wrap my head around. Still is. But these past 10 years have made me realize that there are rare occasions when I’m not absolutely right about things, and it’s better to just admit it and move on. It’s humbling, but nobody wants to live with “Little Miss (or Mister) Can’t-Be-Wrong.”

7. “Play dates aren’t just for kids anymore.” One of the unfortunate parts of parenting is that we’re so busy being the grown-ups that we forget marriage is supposed to be fun. We make actual dates for our kids to get together and play, but couples rarely do that for themselves. One of the best pieces of advice we got was from a woman who said we should go out on dates to “play” – not just the standard “dinner and a movie” thing, because people don’t talk much during movies. So we went bowling and laughed at ourselves and each other and remembered that it’s okay to be a parent and still occasionally act like a goofy kid at play with your high school crush. How can you love somebody like you should if you don’t like them first? And how do you like somebody if you don’t ever have fun together? That’s why you’ve gotta go play.

8. “Wives have excellent long-term memory.” Tom added this one to my list, which I’m pretty sure is his sneaky way of saying that sometimes we women hang on to things a tad too long. That’s probably true. But I would also add that if more men would adhere to Rule No. 3, there wouldn’t be nearly as much stuff to remember for a decade.

9. “Lighten up.” Ever notice how the really intense dramas on television are usually on for only a couple of hours each night, from around 8 p.m. to 10 p.m.? I think it’s because too much drama is tiring. It burns you out and you end up wanting to get away from it. One of the keys to making it work in a marriage is learning to just lighten up and not make a federal case out of every little thing. Roll with it, and remember that comedies are more fun to watch.

10. “Be kind.” I know it sounds like over-simplifying, but let’s face it: If two people aren’t kind to each other, all the marriage books and couples retreats and counseling won’t heal it. It’s sad, how sometimes we’re kinder to strangers or mere acquaintances than we are to the people in our own home. We think true love should be “unconditional,” thereby letting us off the hook for bad behavior. But love is conditional. And its biggest condition insists – no, it demands – that we, above all else, “be kind.”

To my wonderfully kind husband of 10 great years, thanks for learning the rules along with me. I’m looking forward to a Top 20 List. Happy anniversary.

Want to read more Rockwood Files? Click HERE.

By Gwen Rockwood, columnist and Motherlode mama of 3

I should be ecstatic right now. I should be dancing in the streets because my almost 2-year-old daughter is making some tell-tale moves toward our ultimate goal: potty-training. Without much encouragement or nudging from me, she has suddenly taken a huge interest in all things potty-related. (I’m guessing she’s hitting the milestone a little early, thanks to the steady stream of big brothers she sees going in and out of the bathroom.) So why am I not climbing to the top of our jungle gym and shouting joyfully to the world that we’re just a few weeks away from TOTAL DIAPER FREEDOM? What’s wrong with me?

I’ll tell you what’s wrong. I’m really busy this week, preparing for 20 or so relatives to drive and fly in from hundreds of miles away to celebrate Thanksgiving at our house this year. Did you miss that number? I said 20, as in TWENTY PEOPLE who are expecting to eat. Not just eat, but “dine” on really good food that doesn’t come in a take-out box from P.F. Chang’s or Dixie Café. For a woman comfortable whipping up traditional classics in the kitchen, this would be no problem. For a woman like me whose go-to dinner entrée is macaroni and cheese straight out of the Kraft box, it’s sort of a big, anxiety-inducing deal.

Last year we hosted Thanksgiving last year for lots of people and no one left with food poisoning. Apparently they liked it enough to come back for more this year, so that should give me confidence. But I’m going to need every bit of time I can get between now and November 27th to get things ready. There’s an insane amount of grocery shopping to do, not to mention lots of prep work in the kitchen. Of course I’ll have to spend at least a day or so cleaning and organizing the house so we can deceive our relatives into thinking our house is immaculate, orderly and smells like a heavenly mix of cinnamon and banana bread.

What I don’t have time for this week is the intense focus that potty-training demands. Here’s a little nugget of parenting truth you won’t read in any of the how-to books. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that the child’s readiness is all you need to be successful in this transition. It’s just as important that the parents be equally ready to take the leap.

There are lots of checklists that will help a mom decide if her kid is ready to potty-train. But there ought to be a checklist for moms, too. Something like: “Are you ready to spend the next few days (most likely weeks) closely monitoring your child’s fluid intake, facial expressions and subtle body language so you can help her race to the nearest potty in time? Are you ready to sit in the bathroom reading the book “Potty Time with Elmo” multiple times while your kid sits happily on the toilet, pretending she needs to go when actually she’s just enjoying the extended story time? Are you ready to either stay home for several days straight or risk an “accident” at the grocery store?

No matter how badly you want to ditch the diapers, if you can’t answer “yes” to all those questions, you may have a problem. An experienced mother knows you can’t just dabble at potty-training and be successful. You’ve got to really commit to the job and embrace the reality that it can be a time-consuming, messy process – a process that does not necessarily mesh well with 20 relatives coming for Thanksgiving.

So that leaves me with a dilemma: Do I try to potty-train my darling girl and get ready for Thanksgiving at the same time (knowing full well that I’ll be a crazy woman long before the turkey ever comes out of the oven)? Or do I keep her in diapers a week or so longer, hoping beyond hope that this magical window of opportunity will still be open when the last piece of pumpkin pie is gone? These are the questions that try a mother’s soul. Perhaps the answer will come to me while I’m making the grocery list.

From my family to yours, have a blessed (and accident-free) Thanksgiving.

By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3

As much as I love photographs, I hate family picture day. No matter how well I plan it, no matter how much I want it to go well, it doesn’t.

Maybe the problem is I want it too much. Like many mothers, I’m a photo junkie. I’m keenly aware that these years while the kids are little are flying by way too fast. Any time I see a great photograph that freezes my kids in time, I fall in love with it. It’s a real treasure for us sentimental mommy types.

But it’s tough to get a photo of the whole family together, smiling in a nice setting devoid of Chuck E. Cheese birthday party décor in the background. To get a picture that’s worthy of wall space, you usually need to call in a professional. So that’s what I did, and she agreed to come over to our house to shoot the family portrait – just in time for Christmas cards.

In years past, I usually rounded up my husband and three kids and carted them to a studio. Getting us all dressed appropriately, in the car on time and over to the photography studio without someone spilling a juice box or jumping in a puddle along the way was nearly impossible. By the time we all got there and the camera started flashing, we’d all be fidgety and on edge. So this year I decided we’d have the photos made at home because I was sure it would be easier.

It was a really warm day, so we decided to shoot the pictures outside with our neighbor’s golden fall trees as a backdrop. I told the boys, ages 6 and 4, that “it would be fun and wouldn’t take long.” But I’d forgotten that “long” in a little boy’s mind is anything that exceeds two minutes. After those first two minutes, the boys got antsy and kept looking everywhere but the camera. So I said “Boys, look at the camera and smile.” Then they’d do a halfway glance toward the camera and say “Cheeeese!” (Note to all new parents: Do not EVER teach your babies to say “cheese” to a camera because they will never forget it and it will result in years worth of the fakest smiles you’ve ever seen on a kid. Wish someone had given me that same advice when my kids were babies.)

I really wanted these pictures to be good, so I upped the ante and transitioned from polite requests to light bribery: “Boys, if you can do a really good job during picture time, we’ll go get some ice cream as a treat when we’re all done.” But that idea backfired because then they REALLY wanted picture time to be “all done.” My 6-year-old wouldn’t stand up straight. My 4-year-old looked more at his older brother than the camera. And my nearly 2-year-old was busy cutting her molars and couldn’t keep her fingers out of her mouth. You can imagine the chaotic visual the photographer was getting through her lens.

As the kids’ patience began to wear thin, so did mine. On any other day, I let them play and goof around 98 percent of the time and all I asked was that they give me a half-hour of focused attention and smiles that don’t look like some kind of painful dental x-rays. By golly, they owed me this. In frustration, the light bribery turned to whispered threats: “Kids, if you don’t straighten up and look at this camera and smile a nice smile, then you are going to be in BIG trouble, and Santa is definitely going to find out about this. Now, you all better stand still, stop chewing your fingers and look happy right this minute!”

Thankfully, the photographer was holding it all together much better than I was. She suggested we break up the group setting and let the kids run around and play while she shot them in action. They loved that idea, and it was then that their true smiles came out and their eyes lit up the way I’d wanted them to. I can only hope that some of those running, jumping, laughing shots turn out to be the gems I’m hoping for.

So this year’s picture day was, once again, a hot mess. I’m beginning to realize I’m the one who makes it hard because every year I hope for this pretty, serene-looking family shot that’s impossible to capture, mostly because it doesn’t exist. Childhood is an action sport, and our day-to-day life raising three little kids is fast and loud and messy most of the time. It’s hard to pin something like that down on film. I guess what we really need is a fast shutter speed and the willingness to catch the smiles instead of forcing them.

Want to read more Rockwood Files? Click HERE.