By Jade Stone

Note from the mamas: Read Tucker’s birth story which involves his daddy watching the whole delivery via Skype while serving in Afghanistan. Click here to read “Long Distance Delivery”

Well, we are officially within the 60 day window of Jay’s long awaited return home. I cannot articulate to you just how very happy that makes me.

The mere thought of the fact that he will be home so soon causes my heart to skip a beat!  Certainly for mostly selfish reasons, but also because I can’t wait to see his face when he lays eyes on his new baby boy. As you may know, we had a new arrival 6 weeks ago.

Tucker is a healthy, happy blue-eyed baby boy who is content to be held and loved by anyone that walks through the door.He is definitely sociable and happy go lucky which is so fortunate for me. I start back to school in two weeks and I admit, my heart isn’t in it.

I never thought 6 weeks could go so very fast but it did. I wouldn’t return this school year if we could afford it but that’s just not the hand we were dealt. I am thrilled I managed to save up enough sick days to cover all but 2 days of leave to be able to stay home with pay for 6 weeks. I can’t complain, but I’s going to be hard getting us all out the door by 6:15 am, working a full day, and keeping the house together without an extra set of hands. I know there are single moms who do this everyday and my hat is off to you. It is no easy feat.

I am so thankful that there will only be 4 weeks of school left when I return. That is my saving grace at this point.I can do anything for 4 weeks, right?

In the meantime, I have to come to terms with how very bad I am at taking help.I am so independent and hate for people to pick up my slack.I guess I feel like my predicament, that is having a new baby while my hubbie is deployed, is no one’s responsibility to deal with but mine and it’s my problem to manage.

I know that’s not the right way to view things but that is my reality.That said, when someone says “Hey, do you NEED anything?”I typically say “no, not at all”, because I have food, water, clothes, and oxygen, all of which are needs that have been met, therefore I technically don’t “need” anything at all.

Furthermore, admitting I need something is like saying I am not adequately taking care of things and must rely on others.This is strictly a pride issue.I have a friend or two that are on to me though and have learned to ask “is there anything you want?” to which I have the freedom to respond with whatever is on my mind.Lately that would be chocolate! This also applies to helping with the kids.

I hate to ask anyone to watch them so I can grab groceries or run to Sonic to maintain a little sanity because my kiddos aren’t anyone else’s responsibility.I’ve had to work really hard at swallowing my pride and admitting that I could use the help once in a while.  I know, there is nothing wrong with that. But for someone who is so used to taking care of everything on her own, that’s the most difficult thing I have ever had to do.

After 5 weeks I’m still not very good at it but I am doing better.I am so thankful to those that have just jumped in there and lent a hand when I was too stubborn to ask for one.My family and friends are the best and have been a major source of strength for me through all of this.I know that I couldn’t do this without them.I can only hope I can return the favor someday. 

At this point, my focus is on preparing my oldest for daddy’s return, uncluttering the house to help reduce Jay’s stress when he returns, and preparing myself to start using pronouns like “us” and “we” instead of “ I” and “my”.  That may seem insignificant but mention something to your spouse about something being wrong in the house by referencing it as “my house” and see what kind of look that gets you. The past year has been so full of “my’s” and “I’s” that pluralizing my vocabulary may be quite the task. 

I have to start talking to Jay about how the “homecoming” is going to work in terms of the kids, and what to expect.It’s also important to gauge where he is mentally in terms of dealing with people, crowds, and stress.It will be a whole new world for him when he gets here.He hasn’t driven in a year, nor has he been in crowds, or dealt with decision making of any kind in nearly a year.

I challenge you to count up the number of decision you make on a daily basis, starting with when to get up, what to wear, what perfume or cologne to spray on, how to fix your hair, which shoes look best, what to pack for lunch or make for breakfast and then making those same decisions for your kids, and that’s potentially all before 9am.  Jay’s only decisions outside of his job responsibilities have been limited to what snack to eat if he misses dinner.

His clothes, his meals, his job are all preset.  There are no miscellaneous activities to choose from, or extras of any kind.  His life is to get up, put the uniform on, eat, work, sleep repeat.  It’s no wonder these guys come home to the insanity that is our everyday life and can’t wait to go back.  My job will turn from trying to limit the stress in my own life to drastically reducing the stress in his.I’m used to a high level of stress but even on a good day, when my stress level seems null, he might feel overwhelmed. 

And finally, the actual homecoming plan is in the works. It’s never what people dream it should be. For example, I was recently contacted by a PR firm who wants to do a feature on Jay’s first moments home when he meets Tucker for the first time. I know they are expecting the joyous music in the background, butterflies floating in the air, the family running in slow motion to greet the freshly returned soldier off the plane/train/bus and everyone crying tears of joy.

Sounds like a Norman Rockwell, doesn’t it?

Well maybe next time I will more accurately paint the reality of that picture for you, but for now, I have a crying baby to feed and change, laundry to fold, a house to clean, bills to pay and a 1st grader to pick up from school, but most importantly, lots of hugs to give out to my boys because when its all said and done, the house will still be standing whether it gets cleaned or not, but I don’t get back this time with my boys so the rest will have to wait!  Have a great week.

*All photos courtesy of KarleeNoelle Photography.

Jade welcomes your comments here as well as any suggestions you may have for her future posts. You may also e-mail her at akajadestone@yahoo.com. To read previous Military Mama posts, CLICK HERE.

By Jade Stone

It’s truly amazing how drastically life can change in just a few short weeks.

One minute I’m planning maternity photos and the next the moment has come and gone, leaving behind the long-awaited arrival of our son, Tucker.

I suppose its good everything has happened so fast since Jay won’t be home from Afghanistan until sometime in June (we think). It’s been really hard to truly enjoy the bliss of a newborn because half my heart can’t enjoy it with me.

Though I’ve done everything I could to keep him as involved as he can be, obviously it’s just not the same.  I had maternity photos done just to document the fact that I really was pregnant (Jay never saw any of the “process”).  I also incorporated a few of his military things in the pictures so that his absence was not just noted but also depicts how very much he is dearly missed.  And then it was time for the baby.

We decided to induce on the 8th so I went in to the hospital the night before expecting the baby to be here in the early morning.  Let’s just say Tucker had a mind of his own, as did the epidural.

God definitely had a hand in that day. Skype is something that we have tried to use repeatedly in the past, with almost no luck. For whatever reason, he struggled to actually get signed on with it.

That day at the hospital, everything fell into place, the stars aligned and lo and behold he was able to sign in for the birth itself. I think it was both a blessing and a curse. It just so happened that the epidural worked everywhere but the important part in the middle.

Had they wanted to cut my legs off they could have and I wouldn’t have known it but the main business in the middle that really needed it, was alive and well. Apparently the medication managed to bypass that part altogether.

And when things got rolling at 12:30, I managed to go from a 4 to a 9.5 in less than 45 minutes. In the meantime, Jay had to sit and watch the agony knowing there was not a thing in this world he could do from a far that would make a bit of difference.

The one time I looked up and saw his face he looked to be in more pain than I was in. We started the actual pushing at 1:15 pm and 4 pushes later Tucker was born at 1:22, right before Jay’s very eyes.

My best friend was manning the computer and followed the baby across the room so Jay could watch the clean-up process and initial observations. I would venture to say that thanks to modern technology, he saw more of it than I did!

I’m pretty sure I don’t remember opening my eyes until I heard him cry. For the first time in months, I let out a sigh of relief, knowing officially that Tucker was going to make it. I know that sounds strange.

Jay would ask all the time if I was excited and I simply couldn’t get that way. I wanted to be,  but quite frankly, I didn’t have time to be excited. It’s not that I wasn’t happy about the new arrival, I absolutely was, but excitement was not an emotion I could get into.

I was so concerned that “the other shoe would drop” and something would go wrong that it felt as though I had been holding my breath for the past 9 months. Finally, as Tucker let out a wail, I felt an overwhelming wave of relief.

I managed to make it through the last major milestone standing in the way before Jay finishes up the last of this deployment. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel now, though admittedly, it is very dim, I can see the twinkle!

Certainly, there is a sadness that exists within because I know how hard this is going to be on Jay being so far away. He wants nothing more than to curl up and snuggle this new little guy against his chest and won’t be able to do so for 3 months.

To make matters worse, his only avenue to see him is via Facebook since Skype doesn’t seem to be an option due to his weak internet connection. It pains me that he isn’t here to enjoy that snuggly feel of a newborn on his chest or take in that sweet smell that only infants possess.

The best I can do is take lots of pictures and hope for an earlier than expected return. Wishful thinking never hurt, right? So for now, we have newborn pictures to send to let Jay know we love him, and miss him and are counting down the days until his return.

*All photos courtesy of KarleeNoelle Photography.

Jade welcomes your comments here as well as any suggestions you may have for her future posts. You may also e-mail her at akajadestone@yahoo.com. To read previous Military Mama posts, CLICK HERE.

By Jade Stone, Military Mama

The phrase “My how time flies” seems to be my anthem this year, at least in most things besides the deployment.

It feels like so very long ago since I last saw the hubby. Everything else, pregnancy included, seems to be flying by. There just aren’t enough hours in a day right now. And maybe it’s because I’ve stayed so busy. I never have been one to sit still for very long, even with the last pregnancy, and this one is proving no different.

I had the bright idea that Christmas break would be a good time to have new flooring laid since the baby is coming and the carpet was nearly threadbare. I also decided that would be a good time to go ahead and paint the trim white, along with all the doors in the house. This was a good move. However, looking back I think I need my head examined for doing it now!

The end result for the house was better than I could’ve planned but it absolutely wore me out. I also managed to fix up the nursery, wash the bedding, put the diapers in the stacker, put up wall hangings etc. I have also cleaned out and organized my son’s room and have started going through and throwing things out.

I yearn so badly for simplicity right now and apparently, I feel I can achieve that by cleaning, rearranging, and organizing. I think they call it nesting? At any rate, the house has definitely benefited. But something tells me that it will take more than a little housekeeping to simplify my life right now.

We are roughly 4 months into the deployment with about 5 more to go, we think.

We know he will be home in June or July but have no idea.  The only thing that is certain is that I miss him like crazy.

With only 7 weeks left before the baby comes I am reminded daily of how big a role Jay played in our firstborn. At the time I couldn’t imagine doing it without him and now, here I am. I am struggling to see my own feet which makes the little things like shaving, socks and shoes quite problematic.

The daily living activities are not the only places he is missed. The holidays are always the worst because you have so much time to think about them and miss them. We did manage to have a little “Christmas online”. Jay called while Jess was opening his presents so he could be a part of the commotion via speaker phone. Then he opened the presents we had sent him so Jess could hear his reactions. It was definitely a poor substitute for the real thing but certainly better than nothing.

As if his presence missing for the holidays wasn’t bad enough, my best four-legged friend of almost 16 years started to suffer from kidney disease just before Thanksgiving. Cockers don’t usually live past 12 or 13 so we had borrowed quite a bit of time and I was nearly convinced as healthy as she was that she might just last a lifetime. Wishful, unrealistic thinking, I know.

The vet thought she would last a couple of weeks but lo and behold, she actually maintained her health until just this week when we had to put her down. She lost 5 pounds in a week and just quit eating. I refused to watch her dwindle away to nothing and then spend her last days suffering so we let her go.

Jay and I had talked about her age numerous times and figured she was bound to go while he was gone but I really didn’t want to believe it. We are talking about a dog that was nearly my firstborn. She was the sweetest, cutest cocker spaniel in the world who has stood by me through thick and thin for the past 15+ years.

I actually struggle to call her a dog because she was such a major part of our family. I knew when that day came that it would be devastating to me and I knew having to tell Jay about it over the phone would be horrible.

I have never felt truly alone in either deployment…until now. She has always been by my side. And yet, it appears life just keeps moving on. I just wish I didn’t have to go through that without him. Now, as if the house didn’t feel empty enough, it just plain feels vacant.

I guess this means I need to find a new project and something else to focus on. The busier I stay, the less emotion I have to deal with. Sadly, sometimes I think that’s the easiest way to get through a deployment. The less I focus on how I feel the easier it is to get through life.

I can’t say it’s healthy but it sure is practical.

Maybe it’s time to start thinking about maternity pictures. Jay is really sad about missing out on the whole process. Though we didn’t do these pictures with our first son, I feel it necessary this time, at least for Jay’s sake.

Lord knows the idea of picture taking on a good, not pregnant day, is repulsive to me, you can only imagine how excited I am to be photographed in my severely pregnant state.  But, if done tastefully, without my face in the picture, I might just make it.  As fast as time is flying by, I better get on that one quick!  I’ll fill you in on how that goes next time!

Jade welcomes your comments here as well as any suggestions you may have for her future posts. You may also e-mail her at akajadestone@yahoo.com. To read previous Military Mama posts, CLICK HERE.

By Jade Stone

Well a few weeks has passed and now it’s early December! I’m not sure where November went but it is definitely gone!

We were able to find out what the new baby is. We decided maybe we’d had enough surprises!

As it turns out, the outdoor plumbing was quite obvious and was declared without a doubt to be a boy! I can’t tell you how relieved I am. I was terrified it would be a girl and I wouldn’t know what to do with it!

I already have the manual written on the boy thanks to my firstborn and have a pretty good handle on how they operate. As an added plus, as my 7 year old quickly pointed out “guess what mommy, he can wear all my clothes too!” He was pretty excited about that. I think he’s just happy to not be an only child anymore. Although, I don’t think he realizes it won’t exactly come out ready to play soccer or Legos!

It was hard to find out without Jay being there but I sent him the ultrasound picture with “it’s a boy” printed neatly at the top with an arrow attached to point out the evidence. Unfortunately, his internet was down due to a plane crash so it was the next day when he got it.

I don’t think he cared what it was as long as it was healthy. I admit, I felt the same way but was still relieved to find out it was a boy! Jay’s only complaint right now is that he’s missing the “pregnant part”. I think that’s funny because most men would be thrilled to miss that part of the ride but he really seems to miss the growth and development aspect.

I’m not a fan of belly pictures because I always feel like I’m intruding into someone’s very personal space when I see them but I may have to make a concession just for him for Christmas. Maybe I can find a way to do them tastefully that leaves my face out of it. Not sure why the idea of having pictures taken of my exposed ever-growing midriff bothers me but it does. Some women say it’s empowering but quite frankly, it makes me want to run and hide! At any rate, they will at least give him a glimpse of what he’s missing (though I don’t think he’s missing much at all!).

Our next hurdle is to make a joint effort to name this kid. With him being halfway around the world it’s a little hard to actively brainstorm. So at this point, we have gotten nowhere in the name department. I don’t even have a feeling one way or another towards a name just yet. I would like something unique and descriptive of the miracle that he is but I’m not the least bit creative.  All I know is I like K and J names…Yup, I have a lot of work to do!

We are now quite a few months into the deployment with about six months to go. I think Christmas is of the hardest times for soldiers overseas because their focus turns to their families back home and all the festivities they are missing. I caught a glimpse of this feeling last Saturday at a church function watching all the couples and their children.

I was fine until I realized I was the only one who came with out a partner and it felt overwhelmingly obvious to me. Suddenly, tears were streaming down my face so quickly I couldn’t even try to hold them back. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so empty in my whole life. I am not a crier so this was highly unusual. I suppose the hormones aren’t helping matters.

But I can only imagine how hard it is for soldiers who are constantly reminded that they aren’t home and nothing about it is comforting.  To be frank, all the encouragement in the world, and all the acknowledgements that “it will not be forever” don’t seem to change the way a person feels in that situation. It just plain stinks and there’s just no getting around it. So I sat down and had a good cry. It was probably time. I had held back for so long that it all came out at once and there was simply no stopping it.

Since then I have felt much better! I should probably do that more often even though I typically don’t. Lord knows I would recommend a good cry for anyone else!

At any rate, Jay is still doing well and staying somewhat busy. He says the fighting has started to calm down because they tend to be “fair weather fighters” who typically stay inside during the winter and then come out fighting in the spring.  The thought that war would pause for a season had never occurred to me though given the mountainous terrain, I suppose it would be insane to be traversing the ranges in ice and snow. As far as I’m concerned, that’s great news!

Maybe the majority of his tour will be quiet though he assures me that there will be plenty to do keeping the Afghan Army healthy. In the meantime, I better get starting putting together a little piece of home to send over for the holidays!

Jade welcomes your comments here as well as any suggestions you may have for her future posts. You may also e-mail her at akajadestone@yahoo.com. To read previous Military Mama posts, CLICK HERE.

By Jade Stone

Last time I left you with the chance encounter at the airport and said I would tell you the rest of the story later…I suppose it’s later! (Click here for romantic Part 1)

The lethargy didn’t leave, nor did that awful sick feeling after my return from the Dominican Republic. I just couldn’t shake that same crummy feeling I contracted while over there..

My mom of course had the answer. There are only two things in her world when a girl gets sick…you either have a parasite, or you are pregnant.  While I wasn’t willing to believe in her parasite theory, I knew it wasn’t the latter so I became concerned. I conceded, against my better judgment, to take a pregnancy test which immediately popped positive.

Knowing this couldn’t be right, I called the Dr. who also became concerned and asked me to come in for blood tests. By 4pm that same day the Dr. called again and explained that there was a problem with my hormone levels and that she was afraid there was something left over from the miscarriage that would have to be surgically removed.  She wanted me to have an Ultra sound first thing the next day to see how bad things were.  At this point, Jay is gone; I feel horrible and have steeled myself for the worst.

The Dr. enters the room with that same grave look on her face that I had seen before and explains she believes this is a molar pregnancy which is basically tissue growing with no embryo.

Just my luck. We start the ultra sound and her facial expression changes and she says, and I quote “Oh my Gosh!”…now, there are a few things that I don’t want to hear from a Dr. and that is one of them…way to put me at ease Doc.

She smiles huge and says “you have a heartbeat!”  The cynical person I’ve become not understanding her point retorts “yeah, Doc, I’m breathing too but that’s nothing new”.

She laughed at me and said “No, I mean a baby, you have a baby and it must be 8 weeks or close to it!” Now can imagine the shock.  You’ve been told it’s not possible; and now the prayers that went unanswered all of a sudden have come to fruition.  And then a slice of humble pie came my way…I would have to tell mom that she was right. It sort of is a parasite!

I was elated and scared and thrilled and yet, I would experience these emotions alone. As it turned out, at the time I was 7 weeks pregnant and had to tell Jay about it on the phone.

You know when someone is so happy they begin to cry and you can hear it in his or her voice? Well I could hear his tears. He was so happy. Apparently I made his day!  And then the stars aligned yet again, and he received a 3 day pass just before shipping off to Afghanistan.

I scheduled an Ultrasound so he could see it before he left and would have a least a small part in the process. I was nearly 13 weeks when he came home. It seemed that we might actually get to have this one. I’m sure you can imagine his excitement and yet I could tell it was tinged with dismay because he would miss the birth and at least 3 months of its life. But, I explained that I was strong, and could do it and that he shouldn’t worry because they don’t get really cute until after 3 months anyway! He didn’t appreciate my humor. So much for trying to lighten things up!

Jay has now been overseas for a month and this pregnancy has been far worse than the first. At about 17 weeks I started to feel somewhat human again but still not great.  Then I was told that because the placenta is sitting on the cervix (I didn’t know it could do that) I needed to take it easy. I can still work but nothing more.

I have to admit my cynicism is getting worse.  I simply said “ok” but what I was thinking was “ok so who’s going to take care of my other kiddo, clean my house, cook and do laundry??”  Yeah, we both know the answer to that: no one. So needless to say I have been forced to do something I’ve never done before and that is-be still.

I’m not good at it and I have to have a pep talk with myself once in a while to remind myself what is important and what is not.  Laundry can wait, it will still be there tomorrow and as much as it pains me to say, it’s true. Making sure the “parasite” is healthy has to be number one and everything else can wait. Yes, it goes against everything that I am but maybe I needed a lesson in patience.  In any case, I will do my best.

I talk to Jay on the phone once a week and occasionally we email when he can but it’s hard to keep up with someone whose schedule is 9.5 hours ahead of your own, but we manage. I don’t share about how hard it’s been because he doesn’t need to worry and honestly, it doesn’t serve any other purpose but to worry him.

As long as everything is fine, my discomfort is not important.  I wish I could say the deployment is moving quickly but unfortunately, this baby just reminds me of how wonderful and amazing he was to me with our first son and I miss that now, but I guess you do what has to be done.  In the meantime, we take things one day at a time and just keep putting one foot in front of another.  We get to find out what it is next week so I will keep you posted.  Start thinking of names now because I will take all the suggestions I can get!

Jade welcomes your comments here as well as any suggestions you may have for her future posts. You may also e-mail her at akajadestone@yahoo.com. To read previous Military Mama posts, CLICK HERE.