By Carrie Perrien Smith

Note from the mamas: Click here to read Carrie’s previous post about fashion titled, “Is she really wearing that?”

Every time I see a new fashion trend that falls outside the lines of professionalism, I wonder how my friends who work in human resources are going to address it in the employee manual.

Product manuals prevent people from doing stupid things that harm them. Many of the warnings in them are there because someone already did something dangerous with the product

The same thing happens with most company policy and procedure manuals. Most of the topics in them weren’t there until someone had enough awkward conversations with employees about the topic.

We are at a loss to with what to say when it comes to poor workplace clothing choices. In the moment when we have to talk with our daughter or employee, all we can often come up with is “It’s not appropriate for the workplace.”

Well “appropriate” is probably too subjective and not specific enough to validate your concern. And just initiating the conversation is one of the most uncomfortable things anyone has to do.

While this model is designed for telling someone they need to change how they dress, you can use the same model for other difficult conversations.

How to Say It

When it comes to addressing a clothing choice, it helps to do it with the ultimate goal of helping the person be successful. Starting out by saying “You have a lot of talent” or “Your work is important to our company” can set the stage for the conversation.

Next, share your concern with a statement like “I’m concerned that your clothing choices are affecting the way people see your contributions here.” Adding “I wanted to talk with you about that because I want you to be successful” will reinforce that you care enough about the individual to have this awkward conversation.

I don’t recommend saying, “We’ve had people complain about your clothes” because you want to help the person focus on her (or his) development and not who complained.

Now is the time to be specific. Here is an example:

Your choice of clothing is pretty body-conscious. You have a great sense of style but it is too provocative for the workplace. When people work with you, I want them to see your helpful attitude [or your quality work]. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world where people can look past distractions like showing too much skin. I’m afraid that this is hurting how people perceive you and will ultimately slow your career growth.

And then pause. Say nothing. Wait for them to respond. And then talk specifics.

How can you make some changes to make sure your clothing choices are not getting in the way of your professional image?

This opens the conversation so, again, let them talk. You might find that the individual has no idea how to put outfits together or that she can’t afford to buy anything else. You might be the first person to ever take the time to teach her about professional image. Offer some suggestions if needed. Be prepared to be specific about particular examples of outfits if necessary.

Finish the conversation by thanking her. Say “I appreciate you considering making these small changes. I want you to have the respect from your peers you deserve.”

You can modify this conversation for addressing facial piercings, exposed tattoos, extreme hair, flip flops, too-tight clothes, or whatever fashion trend comes along.

Spend some time watching What Not to Wear. They are edgy and funny but they find ways to speak to the person’s logic and heart. You might also recommend that the individual watch the show for inspiration. Hosts Stacy London and Clinton Kelly provide a lot of tough love and ideas.

It’s the show’s tenth and final season, but I’m sure it will around in syndication for years to come. Click here for a link to an interview with Clinton Kelly.

It’s about Showing That We Love and Respect Ourselves and What We Have to Offer

Our role at this place in life is so much more productive when we love and respect ourselves and value what we have to offer. We’ll never be finished growing.

But now it is time to pass along our wisdom and insight and [sigh] mistakes to help others grow too. Our purpose in life is even more effective when we help others garner the love and respect they deserve.

Probably the most complicated experience you’ll ever have is initiating a difficult conversation. And if you work around other people, you are bound to have a good opportunity to have one about apparel. It is good practice for handling other difficult conversations in a loving, supportive way.

Carrie Perrien Smith is mama to Darcie and a pack of black dogs (Snappy, Jazmin, and Midgieboy — in pack order), grandma to Robert, wife to world-traveler and Walmart-blue-bleeding Tom, daughter to Wayne and Phyllis, speaker bureau and publishing company owner, Business: Engaged! small business radio show host, community activist, singer in a party band, and home improvement junkie. Follow her on Twitter @soarwitheagles or contact her at carrie@soarhigher.com.

By Carrie Perrien Smith

Okay, brace yourself. I’m going to weigh in on fashion.

I’ve loved to follow fashion trends my whole life. I haven’t necessarily looked the part but often admired those that did. Early in my professional career in Dallas, I tried to get into the apparel manufacturing industry. It was a short-lived dream.

I was already making more than the jobs I qualified for and I was barely making it at that. Making a jump like that didn’t make sense for my family. So I continued to follow the industry as a fan.

Over the years, I’ve learned that clothing affects a person’s self-image. What we wear often determines whether we feel successful, relaxed, uptight, confident, or attractive.

There is nothing that looks more beautiful on a woman than confidence and a warm smile. It is evidence to the world that we believe in our value, love ourselves, and have something to offer wherever we go.

I wish I could say that clothing doesn’t matter. It would be awesome if the only thing that counted was what is inside.

But here’s the dirty little secret about clothing: what we choose and how we wear it makes a huge difference in how people perceive us. And if we’re serious about respect wherever we go, we influence people more if our clothes don’t get in the way.

I share this with you not only because we need to understand that. We also need to reach back to the generation coming along behind us and help them understand it. Here are three rules that I’ve learned (sometimes the hard way).

Fashion Rule #1

There’s a rule that has served me well as a woman of a certain age: If you were old enough to wear it the first time it was in style, you are too old to wear it when it comes back in style again.

This thought kept running through my mind as I was shopping eBay for some stage apparel last week. I sing in a 60s/70s rock band called Paper Jam. Yesterday, after watching some YouTube videos of 70s bands, I decided I need something leather with fringe — and it has to be tasteful.

I could take a lot of fashion license with my band apparel, but I work in this community and my professional contacts also come to our shows. Plus, I’m hanging out in establishments with people who occasionally drink more than they should (wink wink). It’s easier to be the same person on and off the stage, at home as a parent and working in the community and with my clients. Because of that, I make careful apparel choices.

Fashion Rule #2

And this reminds me of another fashion rule: Just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. We might have the figure for it or everyone else might be wearing it but that doesn’t make it a good choice. The fashion industry’s sole motive is to provoke us to buy clothes. And sometimes, the industry promotes trends that look dumb on slender models and celebrities and even dumber on the rest of the population.

A male friend gave me a good piece of information a few years ago. In essence, he said cleavage was a huge distraction for guys. This is probably not news to you. But just like that little V shape at the top of you lip draws attention to your teeth, that vertical shadow of exposed cleavage draws a person’s eyes down to your breasts. No matter how endowed a woman is, the low-cut shirt may be in style but it draws the eyes to a place that shouldn’t draw attention in the workplace.

And while I’m here, remember that safety pins are your friends — especially on button-down shirts. Manufacturers never put enough buttons on them to close the gaps that pull across the chest. Fill in the gaps with a safety pin from behind. I’m surprised how many women don’t realize that people sitting beside them are getting a prime view of their bra. They are good for keeping bra straps out of sight too. There you go. That’s my public service announcement.

Fashion Rule #3

It isn’t always about the individual items but how we pair them. This goes far beyond making sure we aren’t wearing low-cut shirts and showing bra straps. Let’s take some current fashion items and discuss their appropriateness for professional settings. For instance, we have leggings, sheer shirts, and stiletto pumps. Ladies are wearing them together … to work. Ack!

All three are great fashion items. However, any woman who wants to be taken seriously at work needs to mix wisely. There are great outfits and then there are pairings that just make people stare.

Leggings. The thing with most leggings is that they are a few fibers away from being tights. We wouldn’t wear tights alone without something over them.

Why on earth do people think it’s okay to wear leggings with a short shirt? I’ve been behind a few ladies in public that frankly had the figure for it but still, it exposes a little too much of the goods. A mid-thigh-length sweater or opaque shirt with boots or flats is a good pairing. Leggings are popular to wear for exercise, but I avoid them when I work out at a gym where my potential clients or professional peers also work out.

Sheer shirts. The last time these were in style, I had one that I loved to wear over a tank top and slacks. The tank top and slacks would have even been appropriate worn without the sheer shirt. However, I had a few comments that made me question whether the sheer shirt was a good professional choice. While appropriateness is about how garments are paired, I’ve learned that some people consider sheer fabric to be for the bedroom. You never know what kind of paradigms and baggage people drag around with them. It can affect how they view a woman professionally if she is wearing something that is regarded as too provocative.

Stiletto pumps. I love these although I just can’t walk in them anymore. Actually, I didn’t do such a good job in my younger days. They look great with a longer skirt or slacks.

But once someone pairs a skirt length above the knee, it heats up the sex appeal and changes how people in the workplace view the woman wearing it. Choosing shorter heel heights can take the hotty factor out of wearing shorter skirts. And your knees will thank you later in life. Click here to watch a video about the long-term dangers of high heels.

The Workplace Factor:

Over 75 percent of my clients and professional relationships are men. I’ve not only garnered their respect but their wives do not feel threatened by our professional relationship. I value that and I regard how I dress to be part of honoring that trust and maintaining that respect. There is obviously more to the equation than that but clothing plays a significant role.

Choosing appropriate clothing makes it more comfortable for men and women to work together without the inherent distractions of human nature. And it is still possible to be hip and fashionable in the process.

If this article has you saying “I wish [insert name here] would read this article” or even better, “I wish our supervisor would talk to [insert name here] about what she’s wearing,” next month’s article will provide a loving way to address the issue.

Carrie Perrien Smith is mama to Darcie and a pack of black dogs (Snappy, Jazmin, and Midgieboy — in pack order), grandma to Robert, wife to world-traveler and Walmart-blue-bleeding Tom, daughter to Wayne and Phyllis, speaker bureau and publishing company owner, Business: Engaged! small business radio show host, community activist, singer in a party band, and home improvement junkie. Follow her on Twitter @soarwitheagles or contact her at carrie@soarhigher.com.

By Carrie Perrien Smith

We’re not spring chickens anymore but we still do a better job of taking care of the ones we love than we do ourselves. When we neglect our own health, we eventually can’t take care of anyone or enjoy life to its fullest.

And if you are like me, you’ve attended a few funerals for people who fell to heart disease far too young. Ladies, it’s time we put our heart health at the top of our list of priorities.

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor even though this resembles medical advice. I will confess to being an internet jockey who has pulled together a few links to save some lives.

February is Heart Health Month 

Heart disease is the number one killer of women. I can’t think of a better month to place a focus on your heart health. Even if you won’t do it for yourself, do it for the people who you love and influence in your life. You make a difference in our world.

The American Heart Association uses the term heart disease to describe “several problems related to plaque buildup in the walls of the arteries, or atherosclerosis. As the plaque builds up, the arteries narrow, making it more difficult for blood to flow and creating a risk for heart attack or stroke. … Other types of heart disease include heart failure, an irregular heartbeat – or arrhythmia – and heart valve problems.”

Click here for a definition of each of those conditions.

Evaluate Your Risk

Know the risk factors. If you have a history of smoking, diabetes, being overweight, high blood pressure or cholesterol, high-stress living, or being inactive, you are at a higher risk. Research has connected gum disease and heart disease as well. Family history is a factor worth noting too. Television heart expert, Dr. Oz, says, “Our genes load the gun but our lifestyle pulls the trigger.”

There are many risk calculators on the internet. If you know your blood pressure and cholesterol numbers, take the American Heart Association’s Heart Risk Assessment HERE.

Don’t know your numbers? Get tested — this week!

Make Your Health a Priority

You can reduce your risk. No matter how you’ve treated your body over the years, you can improve your future by making changes now. Simple lifestyle changes such as walking thirty minutes a day and eating a heart-healthy diet can chip away at your risk. They improve your heart health and reduce your weight, blood pressure, and cholesterol.

A WebMD.com article titled Periodontal Disease and Heart Health shares information on the possible connection: “The evidence isn’t clear yet, experts say, but it’s intriguing. According to the American Academy of Periodontology, people with periodontal disease are almost twice as likely to have coronary artery disease (also called heart disease). And one study found that the presence of common problems in the mouth, including gum disease (gingivitis), cavities, and missing teeth, were as good at predicting heart disease as cholesterol levels.”

I’m not taking any chances. Flossing is part of my daily dental routine in my fight to avoid heart disease (and dentist visits that require shots in my mouth).

Prepare Yourself to Act

If you haven’t taken CPR in a few years, consider taking a class. It will equip you with the skills to save a family member or friend. Today, medical professionals are encouraging us to do continuous chest compression CPR for adults.

Click here to watch a video on Continuous Chest Compression CPR produced by the University of Arizona Sarver Heart Center.

Know the Signs of Heart Attack and Stroke

Knowing the signs and acting quickly are the keys to survival and recovery.

The American Heart Association lists these heart attack warning signs:

• Chest discomfort. Most heart attacks involve discomfort in the center of the chest that lasts more than a few minutes, or that goes away and comes back. It can feel like uncomfortable pressure, squeezing, fullness, or pain.
• Discomfort in other areas of the upper body. Symptoms can include pain or discomfort in one or both arms, the back, neck, jaw, or stomach.
• Shortness of breath with or without chest discomfort.
• Other signs may include breaking out in a cold sweat, nausea, or lightheadedness.

The American Heart Association uses the F.A.S.T. acronym to help us remember the signs of a stroke.

• Face Drooping. Does one side of the face droop or is it numb? Ask the person to smile.
• Arm Weakness. Is one arm weak or numb? Ask the person to raise both arms. Does one arm drift downward?
• Speech Difficulty. Is speech slurred, are they unable to speak, or are they hard to understand? Ask the person to repeat a simple sentence, like “the sky is blue.” Is the sentence repeated correctly?
• Time to call 911. If the person shows any of these symptoms, even if the symptoms go away, call 9-1-1 and get them to the hospital immediately.

They also list other symptoms such as sudden numbness or weakness of the leg; sudden confusion or trouble understanding; sudden trouble seeing; sudden difficultly walking, dizziness, loss of balance, or coordination; or sudden severe headache with no known cause.

Set the Standard for the Rest of Your Loved Ones

You are the most powerful example to your family. When you adopt changes to improve, you demonstrate to others how it can be done. When they see a healthier you, it will inspire them to create their own healthy lifestyle changes.

All eyes are on you. What changes are you going to make?

Carrie Perrien Smith is mama to Darcie and a pack of black dogs (Snappy, Jazmin, and Midgieboy — in pack order), grandma to Robert, wife to world-traveler and Walmart-blue-bleeding Tom, daughter to Wayne and Phyllis, speaker bureau and publishing company owner, Business: Engaged! small business radio show host, community activist, singer in a party band, and home improvement junkie. Follow her on Twitter @soarwitheagles or contact her at carrie@soarhigher.com.