Dear Jennifer,

My husband has decided our 2 year old son is obsessed with dogs. I’ve decided my husband is obsessed with dogs. He’s lobbying hard for us to get one. He makes it sound like if we don’t get a dog soon, our son will never get used to dogs and will be afraid of them all his life. I think a 2 year old is too young for a dog. What do you think?

Dear Dog Dilemma,

Lots of families do just fine with a dog and a 2 year old. The question is, will yours? Answer that question carefully because adopting a dog is a long-term commitment.

Obviously, the breed and age of the dog will make a big difference, but any puppy will be a delightful challenge. Even so, you have to want him or her very much to put up with the mayhem they can create. I’ve always had dogs around my kids and we got puppies when each child was a toddler. It worked for us, but it was a lot of work. At the same time, the dogs were great company for the children and for me.

Why does your husband have this sense of urgency? Is he a dog lover who simply misses having dogs? Does he believe that dogs are an essential part of a happy home? (No kidding – people who love dogs really miss having them around). Or, could this be part of the “having a dog is a manly thing to do” syndrome some men get into? Perhaps he thinks that raising a dog teaches responsibility. Whatever the reason, try to understand first why he wants a dog and second, why he wants one NOW. Then ask yourself similar questions: First, do you want a dog? Second, is this the right time? Don’t let yourself be rushed into this decision.

For the record, I love dogs and I’m truly sympathetic to your husband’s longing. However, there are other considerations. This is a joint decision. Is someone home all day? If that’s you, you’ll be doing the lion’s share of the daily supervision and maintenance. Dogs need exercise, training and attention. Ask your husband who will walk, feed, water and groom the dog. Make sure he’s ready to do his part.

If you decide to get a dog, do your homework. Don’t rule out an older dog who might be less work than a puppy (and might come already housebroken). Most pounds and shelters can tell you the probable breed or mix of each dog, the dog’s age and some tendencies. Some breeds are much better with children than others. Remember - your child may someday have friends coming over who don’t know how to be around a dog, so pick a dog for the future, not just because she’s the cutest little thing you ever saw.

Jennifer Hansen is a syndicated columnist, mom of 2 and one of those insightful friends who will tell you what you need to hear regardless of whether or not it’s what you want to hear. She is not a psychologist or licensed counselor, but she is one smart mama. Questions for Mind Your Mama are derived from submitted questions, suggestions and conversations with readers, staff and friends. All submissions are handled anonymously, and any question is welcome. Send questions or comments to mamas@nwaMotherlode.com.

Dear Jennifer,

My husband and I have been married for two years and we don’t argue. We never have. Normally, that wouldn’t be a problem, but my mother and my sister keep telling me that not arguing is not healthy. My husband thinks they’re nuts, and I’d agree except they’ve both been married for a long time. They insist that we’re burying stuff and that I’ve always been thick when it comes to this kind of thing. What do you think?

Dear Peaceful,

Why go looking for trouble disguised as drama? If your mother and sister mentioned specific issues you and your husband are avoiding, that would be a different story. But it sounds like you and he are simply compatible. If that’s the case, then your contentment should be obvious, and in fact, it is.

Maybe your mother and sister are a little envious of your happy marriage. No surprise there – you and he are achieving something many couples never achieve. If they believe arguing is healthy, may be they never had this kind of compatibility in their relationships. As long as you two are happy and feel that you could and would address problems directly, keep doing what you’re doing.

Sure, arguing can clear the air, but only if there’s something to clear. If you don’t have problems or conflict, enjoy this time and use it to build the strengths of your relationship. After all, arguing has downsides, too - hurt feelings, embarrassment, misunderstandings and stress. Arguing may be normal for your family members, but it’s not necessarily healthy, happy or calming. Why in the world would you want to inject it into your marriage?

The fact that you’re worried about not arguing makes me wonder how impressionable you are. Be careful of listening to advice that invites drama into your life and marriage. People who need drama have to have it to stay interested, feel aroused, or even feel alive. Sounds like you and your husband can do those things on your own.

Jennifer Hansen is a syndicated columnist, mom of 2 and one of those insightful friends who will tell you what you need to hear regardless of whether or not it’s what you want to hear. She is not a psychologist or licensed counselor, but she is one smart mama. Questions for Mind Your Mama are derived from submitted questions, suggestions and conversations with readers, staff and friends. All submissions are handled anonymously, and any question is welcome. Send questions or comments to mamas@nwaMotherlode.com.

Dear Jennifer,

When my 20-year-old daughter turned 16 she got a car. When she graduated from high school we gave her a wonderful trip. During her first three years of college, she’s had a nice allowance and we’ve paid for a big part of her tuition. Now, because of the financial crisis, we are nearly wiped out. None of what she had, or very little of it, is going to be there for my son. Every time I think of how different it will be for him, it breaks my heart. Both my kids are good kids and both work hard. It’s not that I think every kid has to have a car or anything like that, it’s just that it seems so unfair that his sister got all these wonderful things when we had the money and he probably won’t. I don’t know what to say to him to let him know not to expect the same, and I don’t want to burden my husband with this right now, because he’s under way too much pressure and already feels so guilty.

Dear Worried,

While nothing I say can change the economy, the fact that so many families will experience something similar is going to affect how your son sees this situation. You are among millions whose lifestyle, income and future has been changed profoundly by what’s going on. Trust me, your son will see plenty of other kids whose older siblings had it a lot easier than they did.

Probably without your saying anything, your son already knows that things have changed. If you’ve always been fair, he’ll know that if things had been different, you’d have given him the same wonderful advantages his sister received. Even so, he needs to hear this from you – not only in words, but also in your actions. Be sure that you continue to be as fair as possible between the two of them with what resources you have, and he’ll always know you did your best. If he’s mature enough to understand the current situation at all, he’ll know that the economic crisis wasn’t your fault. If he doesn’t, then time will help him understand.

A word of caution: When you talk to your son, try not to make it about what his sister got versus what he’ll get. Try to focus on the difference in all your lives that this crisis will make. My guess is that there are lots of wonderful things you’ve done for him in the past that you’re forgetting about. It’s not just that he won’t get what she got; it’s that he won’t continue to have all the advantages he’s had in the past. Focusing on the before and after rather than the sibling comparison may be a better way to frame this conversation.

Talk to your son, and do it soon. Teenagers know so much, and he may not know how to ask questions, especially if there’s tension around the house. This kind of stress is incredibly hard on families, and staying open and honest with kids helps reduce the fear they have about what may happen.

As for whether or not to include your husband, only you can judge. From what you say, it may be best for you to first have a talk with your son without him. However, this is a time for families to cling together and take care of each other. Even though it sounds like your husband is overwhelmed, he’s probably worried about the same things you are. It might help all of you to get this out in the open. Clearly, you think in terms of supporting your son. You may be surprised at how much support your son can be to you.

Jennifer Hansen is a syndicated columnist, mom of 2 and one of those insightful friends who will tell you what you need to hear regardless of whether or not it’s what you want to hear. She is not a psychologist or licensed counselor, but she is one smart mama. Questions for Mind Your Mama are derived from submitted questions, suggestions and conversations with readers, staff and friends. All submissions are handled anonymously, and any question is welcome. Send questions or comments to mamas@nwaMotherlode.com.

Dear Jennifer,

My best friend and neighbor is a borrower. Sometimes she sends her kids over, sometimes she runs over herself. It’s nothing expensive, it’s usually like a couple of eggs, vegetable oil, bread. Eventually, she always returns the item and sometimes gives me more – like two eggs for the one she borrowed. The problem is, she doesn’t return the same kind of thing, I buy good quality or organic and she buys bargain brands. Since I always have everything, if I start saying no, she’ll know I don’t want to lend it. She’s actually a good friend and I don’t want to alienate her. What can I do to discourage this?

Dear Low on Patience,

Believe it or not, there are families and even neighborhoods where this kind of borrowing is a part of life. If you haven’t grown up in one, this behavior can feel intrusive and rude, especially since your neighbor returns what she’s borrowed with lesser quality. Given that she does eventually return what she borrows and even pays ‘interest,’ you have two things to consider: First, how can you either end the borrowing or explain that you’d like her to return the quality, not just the quantity? Second, what does this friendship mean to you and how would you feel if it ended?

Granted, this woman should make an effort to borrow less and return in kind. But since you describe her as your best friend, what does the rest of this friendship give you? Is this someone you can count on? Does she support or encourage you? Is she a lot of fun? Or, is she a user, a taker and too lazy to get herself to the store so she uses you to go there for her?

In other words, if she’s a good friend and has a bad habit, then as habits go this is relatively minor and my advice is to make a few changes in your responses but otherwise overlook it. If she’s not a good friend, or if she uses you in other ways than just borrowing, then she’s presuming on a friendship that doesn’t really exist and you need to stop being her store.

If you want to add some limits, and I recommend you do, try saying, “I’d be happy to loan you regular eggs, but all I have are organic eggs I get at the health food store.” If you can’t stand the borrowing, then learn to say no, as in, “No, I don’t have that right now” or “Sorry, but I can’t spare any right now” and see what happens. If it’s a real friendship, it will survive.

A final note – friendships can be fragile. The fact that she can call on you, in this case by borrowing, may be really important to her. If she’s truly your best friend, rather than dwell on the borrowing, dwell on the good things and try to find some humor in the borrowing. Better yet, run out of something and borrow back at her. I’ll bet she’ll love it, and probably you’ll find her eager to share. If not, you’ve learned an important lesson about the real extent of her friendship.

Jennifer Hansen is a syndicated columnist, mom of 2 and one of those insightful friends who will tell you what you need to hear regardless of whether or not it’s what you want to hear. She is not a psychologist or licensed counselor, but she is one smart mama. Questions for Mind Your Mama are derived from submitted questions, suggestions and conversations with readers, staff and friends. All submissions are handled anonymously, and any question is welcome. Send questions or comments to mamas@nwaMotherlode.com.