The lady in “Ladybug” stumbled across nwaMotherlode, and of course she clicked on the blog title she knew was about her.
I know I’ve left some things out of posts, this concern evident just around the edges of my words, worried (in the back of my mind) that when she stumbled across this blog, she would feel marginalized or embarrassed.
I hoped, when that day came, that she’d see the blog for what it really is: a public, online diary that helps me remember our reality, in all its charm and chaos. That, maybe someday, when she became a mother, she’d know that motherhood is not easy, but it’s oh so worth it.
Some of the work was sanctioned. I sometimes ask if I can share a certain story, for example. Some of it was even commissioned (she really loves it when I share her art). But some of it? Well, we might call those the unauthorized posts. I sort of applied that I’dratheraskforgiveness strategy.
So when she came home from a friend’s house – after some Internet surfing – she blasted me.
“Thanks for telling the whole world about my first pimple, mom,” she said, hands on new hips.
My mind immediately flipped through the virtual pages, all those posts I’ve written here, and tried to remember which ones she might have found offensive. Then I started wondering about other topics on the site.
Luckily, they didn’t read any of the stories all the way through, just the first paragraph teasers. Yes, THEY. It was my kid and two friends. So now I’m worried about my own website corrupting other people’s kids. Great.
“Motherlode is a website for MOMS,” I told my 10-year-old. “It has grown-up topics which are not intended for kids your age.
“Some of the stuff is OK for kids to read, but not all of it.”
And then I reminded her that while she’s the topic of Life with Ladybug, it’s really about me and how I deal with motherhood. It’s about wanting to hang on to these years through my words so when she’s all grown up I can look back and remember with better clarity.
But I also write for her. So she can have some context for when she’s on the therapist’s couch one day (I joke) or when she wonders why she can’t seem to keep her house clean.
So, Ladybug, if you’re reading this right now, first off, you’re busted. Remember, mom topics, not kid topics (mostly). BUT, since you’re already here, there are a few things I want you to know:
- I’ll never intentionally embarrass you (At least not here on the blog. While we’re out in real public, I might do it intentionally. It depends on how rude you become as you transform into a teenager.)
- All my words are coated with an intense mama-bear love for you.
- My lips are sealed on that thing you asked me never to post about. Promise.
- I am acutely aware that you will someday grow up and likely have a blog of your own. And that it might be called something like “Life with my Mother, Who’s Just a *tinybit* Crazy”
- And, finally, that moms generally blog as a way to get their thoughts/feelings “out there” on paper or online so they don’t feel so alone in the mothering process – and to help other moms who may stop by and read those words and not feel so alone, either.
Love you, Ladybug. Now go click on something educational. Or about kittens.
Shannon Magsam is mom to 10-year-old Ladybug, married to Ladybug’s dad, John, and co-creator of nwaMotherlode.com. To read previously published installments of Life With Ladybug, click here.