Oh, it’s a classic, cliche story about a stripper with a heart of gold. But what happens when said stripper moves to Wisteria Lane and rubs elbows with the Desperate Housewives? Well, if you missed Sunday’s episode, we’ll catch you up on what happened:

Lynette and the Stripper: All the ladies of Wisteria Lane were a little miffed that Susan let a stripper move in with her. But Lynette was especially concerned because she still has a teenage boy at home. Lynette caught her son, Parker, and his friends peering out the window with binoculars. When she took a look for herself, she realized they were watching Robin, the stripper, take a shower through a partially open window. Lynette marched over to Susan’s house to warn Robin to close the blinds, since there are “innocent children” in the neighborhood. But Robin broke the news to Lynette that her teenage son isn’t so innocent and actually propositioned her for sex and offered to pay cash for it. (She turned him down.)

Shocked and horrified, Lynette and Tom sat down with Parker who explained himself by saying that he is the only one of his friends who hasn’t had sex and that he feels like it’s never going to happen. They assured him that one day, years from now when he’s emotionally ready, it would happen and he wouldn’t need to pay for it. After their son left the room, Tom asked Lynette if she thought Parker believe him, since the truth is that guys always pay for sex in one way or another. (Tom had just bought Lynette an antique ring for an anniversary gift.) Lynette was furious at the implication and called off her intimate “anniversary gift” for Tom later that night until he apologized for what he said.

Gabi and the Stripper: Robin, Gabi and Susan were talking one day and Gabi heard the story of how Robin ended up as a stripper. Once a promising ballerina, she turned down an opportunity to dance professionally because she’d fallen in love with a boy. But the boy dumped her, she had a knee accident and couldn’t dance ballet anymore. Long story short… she ended up taking her clothes off for money. So Gabi asked her to share her story with Ana, her niece, to convince her not to pass up a modeling opportunity in New York.

The stripper’s sad tale worked on Ana, who decided to leave for New York immediately to take the modeling job, even though it meant saying goodbye to boyfriend Danny (which is exactly what Gabi and Carlos wanted to have happen.) Gabi even helped Ana go out and buy new pink luggage for her trip. When Robin found out she’d been used to manipulate a break-up of the teenage couple, she told Danny what happened and he left in a taxi with an overnight bag, probably headed to New York.

Bree and the Stripper: Robin wanted to bake a cake for Susan and Mike, to say thank you for all their help and hospitality. She asked Bree for help, and the two women ended up bonding over baked goods. Bree told Robin that her marriage was a little shaky, and Robin offered a little professional insight on how to re-establish intimacy with a man. She quoted her grandmother by saying “If you want to save your marriage, there’s only one room to do it in.”

So Bree tried to take the advice and perform a little striptease and lap dance for Orson. But she got her earring stuck in her sweater while trying to take it off over her head. Orson tried to help but ran over her toe with his wheelchair which made her fall down. It was disastrous (and pretty funny, too). But it did finally get the two of them talking about being close again, and they had a sweet moment at the end of the scene with Bree sitting in his lap while they listened to music.

Susan and the Stripper: Things were going just fine with Mike, Susan and the Stripper — until Mike hurt his back. Robin offered to help because she had experience helping her fellow strippers who often had back pain after sliding down the pole too many times. She cracked Mike back a few times and stretched and pulled and even walked on his back while wearing some skimpy work-out clothes. Susan tried to be cool about it, but she finally couldn’t take it anymore. She tried to fix Mike’s back herself and ended up putting him in the hospital. She told Robin that, given her history as a stripper, it made her too nervous to see her straddling her husband that way. So Robin offered to move out because she didn’t want to jeopardize their friendship.

Katherine and the Stripper: Robin didn’t have to move very far away, as it turned out. She asked if she could rent a room from Katherine across the street, and Katherine said yes. The ladies went out for a drink and were approached by a couple of guys who wanted them to sit at their table. Katherine wanted to go sit with them, since it had been a long time since anyone had flirted with her. But once they got to the table, it was abundantly clear the guys were mostly interested in ogling Robin’s blonde hair and big chest. So Robin suggested to Katherine that they go home and she agreed. The guys made it clear they wanted Robin (and only Robin) to stay. Robin took offense for Katherine and told the guys that Katherine was the witty, smart beautiful one and then leaned over and kissed her — a move that surprised the guys and really shocked Katherine.

Later at home, they laughed about the guys’ reaction and Katherine complained about her lack of dating life. Robin suggested she “widen the net” and date girls. (Yep, apparently Robin is a lesbian.) Katherine said she didn’t think that was a good idea for her. But we could all tell, especially at the end of the episode, that Katherine is thinking about that kiss quite a bit. It all reeks of “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It,” by Katy Perry. Perhaps Katherine is considering some alternatives.

What did you guys think of this episode? There were quite a few controversial angles in it, from the sex talk with the teenage son, the conversation between Lynette and Tom about how guys always “pay for it” in one way or another, the idea of “saving a marriage” with sex, and the surprising kiss between Katherine and Robin. Feel free to post your comments below.

17 ¶ Then to Adam He said, “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’: “Cursed is the ground for your sake; In toil you shall eat of it All the days of your life.

18 Both thorns and thistles it shall bring forth for you, And you shall eat the herb of the field.

19 In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread Till you return to the ground, For out of it you were taken; For dust you are, And to dust you shall return.”  Genesis 3:17-19 (NKJV)

“Christmas Carols Every Day�

By Bro. John L. Cash, “Country Preacher Dad�

On Sunday nights at our little country church, the people sitting in the pews take turns calling out requests for songs that they want the congregation to sing. People pick out songs they like, and we sing them until it’s time for me to preach. My older son, Spencer, usually picks out “It Is Well With My Soul” or a Christmas carol–even if it’s the middle of July. I guess he just likes Christmas carols. And that’s OK with me, especially if he wants to sing “Joy to the World”.

Did you know that, in some ways, “Joy to the World” is not a Christmas carol? Most of the other Christmas carols are taken from the New Testament and tell of the Gospel account of the birth of the Christ child.

But  “Joy to the World” is not a New Testament song. It’s actually based on an Old Testament text–Psalm 98 to be exact. And when Isaac Watts wrote the hymn, he wasn’t writing a song about baby Jesus being born in the manger. Instead, he wrote of  the coming of Jesus Christ to set up His kingdom at the end of the age. So while this song is an excellent carol for Christmas, it’s also a wonderful choice for all other seasons of the year.

My favorite stanza of “Joy to the World” goes like this:

No more let sins and sorrows grow,

Nor thorns infest the ground;

He comes to make His blessings flow

Far as the Curse is found.

It always makes me feel joyful to sing that verse, because it’s such a clear explanation of the nature of our suffering in this life. When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden of Eden (in response to the lie of Satan), sin and death entered the world. Because of this, Genesis 3 tells us that this present world is fallen, and ruined by “The Curse”. But Jesus Christ has died on the cross and risen from the grave to redeem and restore all things. “He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found.”

So, here’s what I have come to realize: Very often when people have troubles, they shake their fist in the wrong direction. God is not the cause of our suffering. He created the world in perfection. We need to rightly place our blame and anger. We need to blame Adam, not the Almighty. We must hate the Devil, not the Deliverer. Our suffering comes because of sin, not the Saviour. The fault lies with the Curse, not with the Cross.

Several years ago, an older friend of mine was suffering terribly with an awful head cold. He said, “Brother John, I prayed this morning and asked the Lord to take this cold and give it to the devil.â€� Now that’s what I call understanding where to place the blame! Dear mamas, this fallen world has its share of trouble and sadness. Draw near to the Lord this week, and He will strengthen you and deliver you from the evil one.

Dr. John L. Cash is the “Country Preacher Dad.� He was raised in Stuttgart, Arkansas, and is in the middle of his 25th year of being a country preacher in the piney woods five miles south of the little town of Hickory, Mississippi.  He and his lovely wife, Susan, and his sons, Spencer (age 18) and Seth (age 15) live in the parsonage next door to the Antioch Christian Church (where Walter, the pup in the picture at right with Spencer, now weighs close to 100 pounds!) He would love to hear from you in an email sent to extramailbox@juno.com.

By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3

This morning I woke up, shuffled downstairs for caffeine and glanced out the kitchen window. What I saw woke me up faster than the Diet Dr. Pepper. It was snow. Let me rephrase that. It was MORE SNOW!

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,� I said to no one. But if it was a joke, Mother Nature was the only one snickering.

I turned on the small TV in the kitchen to catch a local forecast. The weatherman said the snow flurries wouldn’t accumulate and would, at worst, leave only a dusting on the ground. But the wind chills, he added, would be brutal.

“Ugh,� I said, exasperated at the thought of dressing in layers once again. By the time I get the kids dressed warmly enough to go outside these days, they look like three little Michelin men in varying heights.

Even though we’ve only had 56 official days of winter so far, it feels more like, oh, I don’t know, 56,000 or so? Experts say this is the coldest, snowiest winter on record for most of the country. One day last week, there was snow on the ground in 49 states, with Hawaii being the lone hold-out. (Is it just me, or does a trip to Hawaii sound fabulous right about now?)

It’s not that I have anything against snow. I love snow – the first two or three times it happens. After that, I’m over it. I want to run an errand without wearing a parka. I want to stop driving down slushy streets that re-freeze overnight. I want to see the sun!

Perhaps the worst part about the unusually cold weather and the all-too-frequent snowfall is what it’s doing to my energy level. The gray skies and bitter winds make me gravitate to the sofa across from the fireplace. I spent a few hours lying there last Sunday afternoon, dozing while the kids watched the Winter Olympics.

(By the way, at the time of this writing, it is 24 degrees warmer in Vancouver, Canada than it is here at my house – in the SOUTH. There’s something very wrong about that.)

After I’d been lying there a while, 8-year-old Adam nudged me awake and said, “Mom, are you going to wake up from your nap now?� He was clearly a little irritated with the day’s lazy agenda and he was ready to do something, anything. His impatience gave me the strongest sense of déjà vu. Suddenly I remembered feeling the exact same irritation when I was that age. Why were my parents so tired, I wondered. I didn’t understand why they’d want to spend their day off doing something as boring as reading the big, fat Sunday newspaper and sleeping on the sofa. It was SO boring. I swore I’d never be like that when I was a grown-up.

(Note to all 8-year-olds: Never swear that you won’t ever be like your parents because it’s the quickest way to ensure you will be.)

Reliving that memory was one of those full-circle moments that made me realize I’ve now become the boring grown-up – the one who wants to be left alone long enough to read the newspaper, the one who falls asleep if she’s given a semi-quiet room and a chance to get horizontal. No wonder the kids were miffed.

Perhaps my motivation will increase when the temperatures do. Many of us just need some reassurance that spring will come again. We need to see a tulip poke its pretty head out of the ground. We need a few sunny days in a row and temperatures warmer than those at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

The good news is that there are only 33 days to go until the first official day of spring. And when it does, the kids and I are going to shoot hoops on the driveway and plant flowers and eat popsicles on the front steps. And I promise I won’t waste one minute of the summer complaining about the heat.

But until then, I’m nothing more than a sleepy Mama bear, hibernating in her warm, dark cave.

Wake me when it’s spring.

Gwen Rockwood is a mom to three great kids, a newspaper columnist and co-owner of nwaMotherlode.com. To read previously published installments of The Rockwood Files, click here. 

Editor’s note: Comments closed, chicks. We’ve got a winner! Congrats to Sara Schmidt, a work-at-home graphic and web designer and mom to Elijah and Morgan.

We’ve got a bundle of gift certificates to give away, and all you need to do to throw your name in the hat is tell us what you think. The gift certificates come from our buddies at NWArestaurants.com, which has the most up-to-date, comprehensive info on restaurants in Northwest Arkansas. (They also own the website NWAMovies.com, which is super helpful as well.) Today’s gift certificates come from Cold Stone Creamery, O’Charley’s and Fast Lane Entertainment.

We’ll let you in on a little secret that won’t be secret much longer: NWArestaurants.com offers gift certificates (called Penguin Bills, pictured right) for lots of different restaurants, and the gift certificates are HALF-OFF! Even better, this is the only program of its kind that helps local charities. As an example, you might find a $20 gift certificate for Chili’s that you can buy for only $10. All net proceeds of this sale will go to a nonprofit group in Northwest Arkansas. We love this program because everybody wins: Mama gets to eat out for a change. We don’t blow the budget. And local charities get desperately-needed funding.

The Penguin Bills and restaurant selection are constantly changing, so you’ll need to check back often to see what kinds of deals you can snag. Click here to check it out and bookmark the site for future reference, so you can check it out before your next dinner on the town.

Now, back to today’s giveaway: The winner will receive three different gift certificates — one from Fast Lane Entertainment, one from O’Charley’s, and one from Cold Stone Creamery. YUM! The gift certificates total $50!

Here’s the question we’d like you to consider: “When you’re ‘grandma-age,’ what do you hope your adult children remember most about you?

To throw your name in the drawing for the bundle of gift certificates, click the big orange button below and let us know what you think. You may also e-mail us your thoughts at giveaways@nwaMotherlode.com.

Increase your odds of winning by sending your friends a note about the giveaway. Just be sure to put giveaways@nwaMotherlode.com on the CC line of your e-mail so we can give you proper credit. We’ll give you an extra chance to win for every person you tell.