Slightly Tilted: Where Did Summer Go?

sunset-49383_640 (2)By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos

Did this summer just speed by like a freight train or what? I don’t even know how fast a freight train goes. Maybe like a bullet or a rocket? They’re fast, right?

We don’t even do “summer” at my house. I homeschool, and we do something most days, all year round. Every Monday it’s the same thing – review from the last Friday. The kids act like their brains have been emptied of everything they’ve ever learned, every Monday morning of their lives. I try to explain to them THIS is why we can’t have long breaks – but they forget that every weekend, too. Mondays are fun. {Pours Bailey’s into coffee.}

During the summer months, we do slack off a bit. Schoolwork never trumps a playdate. Algebra is still here – your friends are not.

Which brings me to my first point – what the heck happened to this summer? Was it the heat? Was it the days filled with nothing? Was it the days filled with everything? How did it go by so fast?

Am I aging so much that I’m just losing days? Why can’t that happen to the fat on my legs? “I don’t know what happened…one day I looked down and the fat was just gone!”  That will never happen to me. Never.back to school

One day my house was filled with kids, and the next day they were all in Facebook posts sporting their back-to-school looks with new backpacks. It was a little sad. The summer was over and now my free babysitters were all learning math and grammar.

One day there was no traffic and the next day it took me 20 minutes to get to the grocery store.

One day all my friends were looking harried and drinking at 3. I felt like part of the group. Now, they are all energetic again and kid-free during the day and I’m happy for them. But jealous. So jealous.

One day we were having sleepovers on a Wednesday (a WEDNESDAY!) and now…we’re not.

Oh summer!! You went by so fast!

Being back on a schedule is nice. It’s a good thing. It’s a great thing, actually. The days are getting a tiny bit cooler. That’s also a great thing.

But now I have to get up earlier everyday to beat the school traffic on my way to the gym. I have to prepare lesson plans. I have to be a more responsible adult and that whole phrase really stinks. Responsibiliting is not my favorite part of adulting.

On the other hand…I don’t have to shave my legs everyday or slather every family member in sunscreen or wash the chlorine smell out of huge towels that take up my whole dryer.

Life’s a balance. I miss you summer, but I welcome the days of jeans and long-sleeve t-shirts.

Bring on the pumpkin spice lattes and the chili fests.

You were fun, summer. Until next year.

jen adair3Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! :)

Alone: A Fairytale

By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos

The girl planned her escape carefully,  considering what to take and what to leave.

She would wear her yoga pants and an exercise tank with a long T-shirt covering her butt. If she was going to do this, she wanted to be comfortable.

kindle readerShe would take her Kindle and her Bible and her computer. She’d need her lip balm and her flip flops. Who knew when she’d be back?

She would miss them. She laughed. Would she? They’d call her. Multiple times. They’d beg her to come home. But she wouldn’t.

She made a list of the things they needed to do that they would end up forgetting to do and that she’d end up having to do anyway. She had made dinner. Fresh pjs had been laid out on the beds.

They would be able to make it without her. For a little while.

She went over everything again, just to make sure. She texted all the other moms to make sure they all had her hubby’s number. There would be playdates later, and she was not going to coordinate any of them.

She called her parents, just to hear their voice one more time and get reassurance that what she was doing was okay.

Her hubby texted. He was almost home. Did she need anything? Oh, yes. She needed a lot. She had a list of all the things she needed. Things he would never be able to find no matter how hard he supposedly looked.

He pulled in the drive 10 minutes later. She went out to meet him. He was surprised. This can’t be a full conversation, she reminded herself. This needed to be a shock-and-awe campaign to be successful.

“Hey, honey…what’s up?” he asked.

“Dinner has been made. Pjs are on the bed. I am going to the grocery store. By myself. The kids are all yours. I’m not coming home until they are in bed. I will need photographic proof of this before I return.”

“Ok…love you?” he said, confused.

“Love you, too. A lot. But I have to do this. Good luck.”

She climbed in the car and threw her bag in the backseat. She backed out of the driveway.

She turned on her music. Full blast.

She smiled. She laughed.

whatever she wantedShe could go to the store and get all the things she needed. By herself. She had time to do whatever she wanted.

Whatever. She. Wanted.

She made up her mind right then and there. She was stopping at Sonic to get an iced tea or a diet Coke.

The possibilities were endless.

**This mom fairytale was based on a true life event. Names and details have been deleted to protect the mother who is concerned an insane wave of jealousy will cause complete strangers to hate her for getting time to herself.

jen adair3Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! :)

Slightly Tilted: The Devil Made Swimsuits

By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos

Three things I know for certain beyond a shadow of a doubt:

  • Swimsuits are from the devil.
  • Cellulite is from the hoard of demons he surrounds himself with.
  • Dressing room mirrors and lighting are a direct result of gym owners and supplement manufacturers who are trying to drum up business.

Don’t even bother arguing – you all know it’s true.

I am not a prude by any stretch of the imagination. I mean, I can wear stiletto heels with the best of them. {I can’t walk in them, but I can stand there for a few seconds without falling over.} I can no swimsuit bikinirock bright red lips. I can even wear a strapless dress if I wear a padded strapless bra and Spanx.

But…swimsuits. Hate ‘em.

I don’t hate them on other people. I just hate them on me.

First of all, there is a lot of white, dimply skin showing. A lot. It’s blinding, really. I don’t really want my neighbors to see me in my underwear, so why am I wearing basically just my undies to the pool?

Secondly, I can’t afford to continually apply sunscreen to all parts of my body every 30 minutes. I do not tan. I burn or freckle almost immediately upon sun exposure. I estimate that it would cost about $1.2 million dollars to buy all the sunscreen I need for one summer. Roughly.

margarita 200Thirdly, I want to enjoy my time at the pool or beach. I don’t want to worry about my cellulite or critique my grooming style all day long. I just want someone to pass me a margarita.

Now, let me say that this has nothing to do with other people. I am not criticizing you or judging your toned thighs in your string bikini. I am not. I am simply uncomfortable wearing a bathing suit. Always have been, always will be.

Don’t get me wrong. I swim. I play. I have a good time. I just don’t want my booty hanging out while I’m doing it.

Do I wear a bikini? No, I do not.

Do I wear a one piece? No, I do not.

I wear swim shorts and a tankini top, and I don’t feel like I’m an old lady muttering about how it’s almost four in the afternoon and I need to get washed up for dinner. I just feel…comfortable.

I’m a lot more fun when I’m wearing what I’m comfortable wearing. Just ask my kids.

Is mom in pajamas? Yay! Fun day at home with mom!

Is mom wearing anything that has to be buttoned, zipped, or ironed? Boo. Mom has a meeting and will be rushing us out the door soon.

Whether you wear a bikini or a mu-mu, I think we can all agree it’s best to be comfortable in what you’re wearing and that all dressing rooms need to get rid of fluorescent lighting immediately.

Immediately.

jen adair3Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! :)

Slightly Tilted: Between One and No

By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos

On a recent trip with my kids and parents, we were playing a game where you tried to guess what color, number, or thing the “it” person was thinking. This was not a fun game, mind you, but it was a good distraction while we waited for our food. And coffee. We all really needed our coffee.

It was my daughter’s turn and she sleepily said, “I’m thinking of a color between one and no.” She’s not exactly a morning person, so while we all burst out laughing, she looked confused at the words that had just come out of her mouth. It instantly woke us all up and got the day off to a great start, which was a miracle, because laughing before coffee NEVER happens at my house.

bicycles-1029858_640Anyway, the trip was wonderful, the weather was perfect, and we rode bikes along the beach for hours. The kids got along and played chess and checkers together. We had great food. I thought, “We are that family! Look at us! We’re almost perfect! We’re like the anti-Kardashians!”

And then…dum dum dum…we got home. Everything went back to normal. Kids fighting. Moody tween. Work. School. Laundry. Yard work. Ugh.

It’s no secret that I’m not a perfect mom, but if you didn’t know let me say it again: I’M NOT A PERFECT MOM. I’m not perfect at anything except getting frazzled and worrying that I’m doing this whole “life” thing all wrong. I’ve got that down pat. Also, my kids are not perfect. Not by a long shot. Hubby is almost perfect, but he puts his darn dishes in the sink or on the counter and not in the dishwasher and this disqualifies him. That deserves its own post.

So, I’m sitting on my couch, tears welling up in my eyes because I can’t communicate with my daughter, my yard looks like crap, and I found a new batch of cellulite on my rear, and I realize that I feel like…I’m a color between one and no.

I’m this young-hearted, carefree girl stuck in the awkward position of not being young but not being old.

stuck in the middle with youI’m this loving, giving mother stuck in the middle of the cuddle years and the “let me go” years of my children.

I’m a beautiful, sexy wife stuck in the middle of extreme attraction to my hubby and extreme attraction to my pillow.

I’m this color that can’t be defined because the parameters don’t line up to what I am. I feel a little lost, to tell the truth. On one side, I know exactly who and what I am, but on the other side…it’s all loosey-goosey.

This realization helps me with my daughter, though. We will get through her teen years, I hope, because we both feel the same way right now. A little lost, but mostly determined to figure out what color is between one and no.

I hope it’s aqua. Or coral. They’re my favorites.

jen adair3Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! :)

Slightly Tilted: Taking a Break

By Jen Adair, Blogger at Slightly Tilted, Entreprenuer, Homeschool Mom to two fab kiddos

Eighty-four is about the number of pinã coladas and strawberry daiquiris my kids have consumed in the last 7 days. There was no alcohol, of course, but the amount of sugar running through their veins will take a blood transfusion to remove. On top of that, they had donuts and French toast for breakfast every morning. Yes. Every morning.

Vacation. It’s a great thing.

The air is different. The food tastes better. No one has to make up a bed, do school work, or check their email every fifteen minutes.

It always takes me a few days to relax and get into “vacation mode.” I have to turn off my brain and wean myself away from work and school. I have to get over the fact that I’m not a supermodel (which I’ll never fully get sun hatover), but that I’ve never heard, “Lady, we all voted and you need to put your clothes back on.”

I did have a very nice man ask me, “You no like to tan, senorita?” I had to explain that my glowing family of albinos doesn’t tan. We freckle. It’s just our thing.

We did manage to sneak in some educational moments for the kids. We are never on vacation from being good parents, you know. Among the highlights:

  • At Tulum, the Mayan ruins near the Riviera Maya, they learned that Mexico is hot. They also learned that the other archaeological site, aka the holy temple of Starbucks in the Tulum parking lot, is where iced Mayan mochas were invented about a billion years ago. Or that’s what our tour guide told us.
  • If you are surrounded by people from various countries with different languages and customs, get in the pool and start throwing a ball around. Everyone is happy. Everyone knows how to play. It’s really the path to world peace – water and a ball. Try it.
  • “Hola” and “olé” are not the same thing. The proper response to “hola” is not olé. Hola means hello. Olé is something you say at a bullfight.

This particular trip was interesting as a parent. The kids are no longer young enough where I have to watch their every move. Getting older has its advantages – your kids are older, too. They can use the bathroom all by themselves!

Watching the young parents of small children handle crying, potty breaks, and nap time made me nostalgic. Remembering back to those days, I felt nothing but empathy for these parents. I remember the exhaustion and frustration of dealing with little people constantly. This is why I had my tubes tied.

The parents of tweens, I was relieved to see, were just like me: cautiously trying to navigate the waters of being an involved parent while also trying to be invisible so that your child doesn’t withdraw totally. This in itself is exhausting. Add in the patience required not to smack said child upside the head because the eyes have rolled at least 20 times in the last ten minutes, and you have a bewildered adult desperately flagging down a waiter for another order of wine and French fries.

I also learned that some things you can’t afford to do, but some things you can’t afford not to do. Connecting as a family and making memories is something you really can’t put a price tag on. I’ll choose an experience over designer clothes or handbags every single time.

But…we are in sugar detox this week and I could use some prayers. Or another vacation.

By myself.

jen adair3Hey. I’m Jen Adair. I’m an entrepreneur. Homeschool mom. CEO of organized chaos. Ok – it’s really not all that organized. Some days are great, some are not, some days I feel invincible, some days I can barely get out of bed. BUT…it’s my life and I’m living it. Browse my collection of random thoughts, humor (well, I think I’m funny!), images, links, whatever…at my blog Slightly Tilted. Sharing is caring, people! :)