Oh, it’s a classic, cliche story about a stripper with a heart of gold. But what happens when said stripper moves to Wisteria Lane and rubs elbows with the Desperate Housewives? Well, if you missed Sunday’s episode, we’ll catch you up on what happened:

Lynette and the Stripper: All the ladies of Wisteria Lane were a little miffed that Susan let a stripper move in with her. But Lynette was especially concerned because she still has a teenage boy at home. Lynette caught her son, Parker, and his friends peering out the window with binoculars. When she took a look for herself, she realized they were watching Robin, the stripper, take a shower through a partially open window. Lynette marched over to Susan’s house to warn Robin to close the blinds, since there are “innocent children” in the neighborhood. But Robin broke the news to Lynette that her teenage son isn’t so innocent and actually propositioned her for sex and offered to pay cash for it. (She turned him down.)

Shocked and horrified, Lynette and Tom sat down with Parker who explained himself by saying that he is the only one of his friends who hasn’t had sex and that he feels like it’s never going to happen. They assured him that one day, years from now when he’s emotionally ready, it would happen and he wouldn’t need to pay for it. After their son left the room, Tom asked Lynette if she thought Parker believe him, since the truth is that guys always pay for sex in one way or another. (Tom had just bought Lynette an antique ring for an anniversary gift.) Lynette was furious at the implication and called off her intimate “anniversary gift” for Tom later that night until he apologized for what he said.

Gabi and the Stripper: Robin, Gabi and Susan were talking one day and Gabi heard the story of how Robin ended up as a stripper. Once a promising ballerina, she turned down an opportunity to dance professionally because she’d fallen in love with a boy. But the boy dumped her, she had a knee accident and couldn’t dance ballet anymore. Long story short… she ended up taking her clothes off for money. So Gabi asked her to share her story with Ana, her niece, to convince her not to pass up a modeling opportunity in New York.

The stripper’s sad tale worked on Ana, who decided to leave for New York immediately to take the modeling job, even though it meant saying goodbye to boyfriend Danny (which is exactly what Gabi and Carlos wanted to have happen.) Gabi even helped Ana go out and buy new pink luggage for her trip. When Robin found out she’d been used to manipulate a break-up of the teenage couple, she told Danny what happened and he left in a taxi with an overnight bag, probably headed to New York.

Bree and the Stripper: Robin wanted to bake a cake for Susan and Mike, to say thank you for all their help and hospitality. She asked Bree for help, and the two women ended up bonding over baked goods. Bree told Robin that her marriage was a little shaky, and Robin offered a little professional insight on how to re-establish intimacy with a man. She quoted her grandmother by saying “If you want to save your marriage, there’s only one room to do it in.”

So Bree tried to take the advice and perform a little striptease and lap dance for Orson. But she got her earring stuck in her sweater while trying to take it off over her head. Orson tried to help but ran over her toe with his wheelchair which made her fall down. It was disastrous (and pretty funny, too). But it did finally get the two of them talking about being close again, and they had a sweet moment at the end of the scene with Bree sitting in his lap while they listened to music.

Susan and the Stripper: Things were going just fine with Mike, Susan and the Stripper — until Mike hurt his back. Robin offered to help because she had experience helping her fellow strippers who often had back pain after sliding down the pole too many times. She cracked Mike back a few times and stretched and pulled and even walked on his back while wearing some skimpy work-out clothes. Susan tried to be cool about it, but she finally couldn’t take it anymore. She tried to fix Mike’s back herself and ended up putting him in the hospital. She told Robin that, given her history as a stripper, it made her too nervous to see her straddling her husband that way. So Robin offered to move out because she didn’t want to jeopardize their friendship.

Katherine and the Stripper: Robin didn’t have to move very far away, as it turned out. She asked if she could rent a room from Katherine across the street, and Katherine said yes. The ladies went out for a drink and were approached by a couple of guys who wanted them to sit at their table. Katherine wanted to go sit with them, since it had been a long time since anyone had flirted with her. But once they got to the table, it was abundantly clear the guys were mostly interested in ogling Robin’s blonde hair and big chest. So Robin suggested to Katherine that they go home and she agreed. The guys made it clear they wanted Robin (and only Robin) to stay. Robin took offense for Katherine and told the guys that Katherine was the witty, smart beautiful one and then leaned over and kissed her — a move that surprised the guys and really shocked Katherine.

Later at home, they laughed about the guys’ reaction and Katherine complained about her lack of dating life. Robin suggested she “widen the net” and date girls. (Yep, apparently Robin is a lesbian.) Katherine said she didn’t think that was a good idea for her. But we could all tell, especially at the end of the episode, that Katherine is thinking about that kiss quite a bit. It all reeks of “I Kissed a Girl and I Liked It,” by Katy Perry. Perhaps Katherine is considering some alternatives.

What did you guys think of this episode? There were quite a few controversial angles in it, from the sex talk with the teenage son, the conversation between Lynette and Tom about how guys always “pay for it” in one way or another, the idea of “saving a marriage” with sex, and the surprising kiss between Katherine and Robin. Feel free to post your comments below.

Anybody in the mood for a little good gossip? Yep, we are, too. As always, we serve it up nice and clean here on nwaMotherlode.com so there’s no need to feel guilty for indulging in a little gossip. No nasty half-truths… nothing intended to humiliate or tear someone down… our gossip is “all good.” Enjoy.

Jesse James, former host of the show Monster Garage who is also married to actress Sandra Bullock, hired a pet detective and offered a $5,000 reward for his missing dog — a brown pit bull named “CinnaBun.” (Cute name!) The dog was missing for three weeks, but the story ended happily. A woman saw CinnaBun’s photo on a flier and brought the dog to Jesse’s bike shop. We love a good reunion story! (Source: People magazine, March 8, 2010 edition)

Dave Annable, who plays Justin on the show Brothers & Sisters, just got engaged to his girlfriend of 18 months, actress Odette Yustman. (You may have seen her in the show October Road a while back.) Dave said he “was terrified” when he asked her but he managed to pull off the surprise during a trip to Santa Barbara. She said the ring “was more beautiful and perfect than I could’ve ever imagined.” Awwww…. (Source: People magazine, March 8, 2010 edition)

There seems to be a race for who will get the co-hosting job on Dancing with the Stars. (Samantha Harris left the position in January.) They say the following ladies may be in the running for the job: Melissa Rycroft, Vanessa Minnillo, Brooke Burke, Lauren Sanchez and possibly Kelly Osbourne. (Source: US Weekly, March 8, 2010 edition)

Wedding bells for Simon Cowell? Well, he hasn’t said it’s true but he’s not flat-out denying it either. There were rumors of an engagement between Simon and his girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy. (They’ve been dating for a year and she is a makeup artist. She is 36. He’s 50.) When asked if wedding bells might ring later this year, Simon said “Who knows?” Hmmm… wonder what that means. (Source: People magazine, March 8, 2010 edition.)

Speaking of engagements, Justin Timberlake’s mom is like “C’mon, already!” Justin Timberlake has been dating actress Jessica Biel for three years now. His mom, Lynn Harless, joked that she doesn’t care where they get married as long as “we just get on with it.” (Still no word on whether or not an engagement will happen anytime soon.) Justin’s mom said “My friends all have grandchildren. I’ve tried to express to Justin that we are losing the race. Apparently, I’m the only one in the race!” Hang in there, mama. Surely your turn as Grandma will come along one of these days. (Source: US Weekly, March 8, 2010)

We love it when a mega-star seems to have her head on straight. In a recent People magazine cover story, Carrie Underwood said that her relationship with fiance Mike Fisher (an NHL hockey player) is strengthened by their faith. “Our spiritual bond is something we try to put first in our lives,” Carrie said. “Mike has improved my walk with God. It’s important to me, because down the road, I want someone who will help shape our kids into people who make the world a better place.” (Source: People magazine, March 8, 2010 edition)

By Gwen Rockwood, newspaper columnist and mama of 3

This morning I woke up, shuffled downstairs for caffeine and glanced out the kitchen window. What I saw woke me up faster than the Diet Dr. Pepper. It was snow. Let me rephrase that. It was MORE SNOW!

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,� I said to no one. But if it was a joke, Mother Nature was the only one snickering.

I turned on the small TV in the kitchen to catch a local forecast. The weatherman said the snow flurries wouldn’t accumulate and would, at worst, leave only a dusting on the ground. But the wind chills, he added, would be brutal.

“Ugh,� I said, exasperated at the thought of dressing in layers once again. By the time I get the kids dressed warmly enough to go outside these days, they look like three little Michelin men in varying heights.

Even though we’ve only had 56 official days of winter so far, it feels more like, oh, I don’t know, 56,000 or so? Experts say this is the coldest, snowiest winter on record for most of the country. One day last week, there was snow on the ground in 49 states, with Hawaii being the lone hold-out. (Is it just me, or does a trip to Hawaii sound fabulous right about now?)

It’s not that I have anything against snow. I love snow – the first two or three times it happens. After that, I’m over it. I want to run an errand without wearing a parka. I want to stop driving down slushy streets that re-freeze overnight. I want to see the sun!

Perhaps the worst part about the unusually cold weather and the all-too-frequent snowfall is what it’s doing to my energy level. The gray skies and bitter winds make me gravitate to the sofa across from the fireplace. I spent a few hours lying there last Sunday afternoon, dozing while the kids watched the Winter Olympics.

(By the way, at the time of this writing, it is 24 degrees warmer in Vancouver, Canada than it is here at my house – in the SOUTH. There’s something very wrong about that.)

After I’d been lying there a while, 8-year-old Adam nudged me awake and said, “Mom, are you going to wake up from your nap now?� He was clearly a little irritated with the day’s lazy agenda and he was ready to do something, anything. His impatience gave me the strongest sense of déjà vu. Suddenly I remembered feeling the exact same irritation when I was that age. Why were my parents so tired, I wondered. I didn’t understand why they’d want to spend their day off doing something as boring as reading the big, fat Sunday newspaper and sleeping on the sofa. It was SO boring. I swore I’d never be like that when I was a grown-up.

(Note to all 8-year-olds: Never swear that you won’t ever be like your parents because it’s the quickest way to ensure you will be.)

Reliving that memory was one of those full-circle moments that made me realize I’ve now become the boring grown-up – the one who wants to be left alone long enough to read the newspaper, the one who falls asleep if she’s given a semi-quiet room and a chance to get horizontal. No wonder the kids were miffed.

Perhaps my motivation will increase when the temperatures do. Many of us just need some reassurance that spring will come again. We need to see a tulip poke its pretty head out of the ground. We need a few sunny days in a row and temperatures warmer than those at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

The good news is that there are only 33 days to go until the first official day of spring. And when it does, the kids and I are going to shoot hoops on the driveway and plant flowers and eat popsicles on the front steps. And I promise I won’t waste one minute of the summer complaining about the heat.

But until then, I’m nothing more than a sleepy Mama bear, hibernating in her warm, dark cave.

Wake me when it’s spring.

Gwen Rockwood is a mom to three great kids, a newspaper columnist and co-owner of nwaMotherlode.com. To read previously published installments of The Rockwood Files, click here.