By Erin, adopting mama blogger

I like lists. They help me think and stay on track. Plus, I think they are more fun to read and write than just an ordinary post. So here’s a list of 100 things about our adoption:

1. We are adopting because we cannot have another low-risk pregnancy.

2. My first, and last, pregnancy ended up being very high risk with almost five weeks on bed rest and an extremely premature baby.

3. Even though Isaac’s outcome was very good, another pregnancy is just too risky for us, and we’ve been advised against it.

4. Gestational Surrogacy was an option we considered, b/c we have embryos frozen from Invitro Fertilization that we did to get pregnant with Isaac, but we decided against it.

5. Deciding to adopt was not that difficult, but figuring out the type of adoption we wanted to pursue was very difficult.

6. There seemed to be so many choices, and so much to pursue.

7. We considered international adoption, but decided we would most like to have another experience with a newborn baby, which is not common in international adoptions.

8. We decided that we don’t have the heart to go through the foster care system right now – it takes too long to be matched with a baby.

9. We decided that we did not want to advertise and search for a birth mother on our own – it seemed too financially and emotionally risky.

10. Finally, after tons of reading, and following my sister and her husband through a domestic adoption, we figured out that an agency-assisted adoption was right for us.

11. Now it was time to pick the right agency – the type, the state, etc.

12. My sister and her husband took a leap of faith in choosing Adoption Angels in San Antonio, Texas, and it paid off big time in the adoption of their baby, Jonah, just two weeks after they turned in their agency fee and paperwork!

13. That was all the urging we needed – Adoption Angels became our agency too!

14. Private, agency-assisted, domestic adoption is expensive.

15. We are so lucky to have the resources to afford this choice.

16. Our adoption budget is about the cost of a small to mid-sized new SUV.

17. When you put it in terms like that, it’s not that much to spend on the fees to bring your child home, is it?

18. We pay a set agency fee, a set legal fee, and then particular fees to support the birth mother depending upon the situation.

19. We have been officially “on the list”, meaning all of our paperwork is done and now we are waiting for a baby, since May 12.

20. After about a month, we were matched with a baby that had just been born.

21. The adoption fell through, because the birth mother changed her mind about placing the child.

22. It was very sad, and very difficult, but I am glad that the birth mother made the right choice for herself and family.

23. Our agency has an average wait period of about 6-9 months.

24. Therefore, we can expect our baby by December or January.

25. The agency says our profile is very active, and to “hang on” – we should have a baby soon!

26. They do not tell us every time they show our profile to birth parents – they will tell us when we are “chosen” or matched.

27. I am glad they do it that way, or else I would be a nervous wreck all the time.

28. At this point, I am only a nervous wreck part of the time J.

29. With our agency, you have the option of choosing to have a boy or a girl.

30. We don’t care which “flavor” we get.

31. I have been surprised by that “are you having a boy or a girl?” is probably the first and most common question we get regarding our adoption.

32. That, and “Where are you adopting from?”

33. We have had no negative comments or responses from our friends or others regarding our adoption plans.

34. We HAVE had negative responses regarding our adoption plans from Michael’s parents.

35. They are completely against our adoption plans, think we are making a tremendous mistake, and do not support us (emotionally) at all.

36. Ridiculous, right?

37. We have tried to work things out and make amends, but it keeps falling apart.

38. Right now, I don’t speak to them at all, and Michael rarely does.

39. We don’t know what will end up happening once the baby is in our arms – everyone says they will come around.

40. I hope so.

41. Adopting through an agency requires a ton of paperwork.

42. We have spent countless hours filling out forms and questionnaires

43. In order to adopt, you must have a home study, with a licensed social worker.

44. The home study includes finger prints and a background check, in depth questionnaires regarding your childhood, marriage, extended family, child rearing and discipline philosophies, readiness to adopt, and much more.

45. We met with our Social Worker three times – once together, once separately, and once in our home where she made sure we had appropriate living conditions for a child and met our son and our dog.

46. For the agency, we filled out pages of information about our background, family life, philosophy on raising children, hopes for our children, etc.

47. We created a photo album and letter to the birth mother to help her learn more about us.

48. We filled out countless pieces of legal paperwork, and had to make copies of everything and have everything notarized.

49. I would like to say that I have never done that much paperwork before, but alas, I have.

50. Going through IVF to get pregnant with Isaac involved huge stack of paperwork as well.

51. The most confusing and frustrating paperwork I have ever completed was all the documents required after Isaac was born so prematurely – SSI, Medicaide, WIC, Insurance, medical bills . . . it was a mess!

52. The thing I could not get over with all of the paperwork for SSI, Medicaide and WIC was how complicated it was – it was HARD. I can’t imagine how people who don’t speak English as their first language figure it out . . .

53. Back to adoption . . .

54. The paperwork was endless, but it was not too hard.

55. It took us about a year and a half to finally decide that adoption was the right way for us to build our family.

56. It took us about 6 months to choose an method, an agency, and get serious.

57. It took about 5 months to get the paperwork and home study completed.

58. I could have completed the paperwork and home study in approximately 3 months if I wanted to rush.

59. You might notice that when it comes to paperwork, I say “I” rather than “We”.

60. Because I did all of the paperwork.

61. Except the paperwork that HAD to be done together or by Michael.

62.Michael wants this baby, too; he’s just not detail-oriented.

63. Something that very few people know is that we actually asked someone to be our gestational surrogate.

64. It did not work out; she decided not to do it, but I’m glad we pursued it.

65. Now we know that we pursued that option and it was not right for us.

66. Before we ruled out surrogacy, we went through every woman that we know to see if there was a person that might be right – friends, family, acquaintances.

67. There was, literally, NO one who could (for many various reasons) be a surrogate for us.

68. We drew the line at hiring a stranger – it was just wrong for us.

69. I am so glad we did not pursue that route.

70. We could have been working at it for a year now, and be no closer to a baby, as well as diminished all of our financial resources.

71. I am so excited that our adoption is a sure thing – at SOME point, we WILL have a baby to join our family.

72. So, here’s the plan –

73. When the baby is born, we will pack, load up, and DRIVE to San Antonio – I already have about 10 lists for packing.

74. Yes, we will drive.

75. Why? Because plane tickets are too expensive, we will need a car in San Antonio, we won’t know how long we will be there, and there is too much stuff to bring.

76. We will meet our child, and hole up in our hotel room.

77. We already know the hotel, b/c it’s the same one that my sister and her family stayed in.

78. We will get to know our baby, take turns taking Isaac to the bookstore, the park, the mall, etc.

79. We will probably take the baby out in public a lot more than I would normally take a brand new baby.

80. We will wait for the paperwork to go through so we can leave the state.

81. When we can, we will come home.

82. Oh, we have some family in San Antonio, so we will visit with them while we are there.

83. If we are able to mend things with Michael’s parents, we will visit them in Dallas on our way home.

84. Once we get home, we will plan a baby-naming ceremony, which is a tradition in Judaism, for our new bundle.

85. Now I am running out of things to say about our adoption.

86. We are still not sure about a name.

87. We go back and forth, and have a list that changes every time we talk about it.

88. I am still the one open to all sorts of names, and Michael hates them all.

89. We have a small list that we can both agree on, so I guess it’s OK.

90. I guess this is going to have to be “90 things about our adoption”, because I am all tapped out!