On Your Mind: An angry husband

on your mindNOTE: The question below reached us through our “online hotline” button which lets anyone send a question to a local counselor at Ozark Guidance —  in a completely anonymous way. The email comes in with no email address and no identifying information. We set it up this way so women would feel free to write about anything on their mind.

My husband gets angry and raises his voice often. He often calls me a “worthless piece of sh-t” when he gets mad. He has pushed me and slapped my hand several times in the past 10 years. He says it’s my fault for getting him mad because I nag him or ask so many questions.

He also said, which really concerns me, that he can see how those football players punched their girlfriends/wife. He doesn’t think it’s right but he can see how the woman’s nagging could have made them that mad.

We are both in our 60s and it’s a second marriage for both of us. I know he cheated on his ex but I don’t know about physical abuse. He also tried to cheat on me but was caught. He is a womanizer.

What do you think?

Dear Wife,

What I think doesn’t matter nearly as much as what you know to be true. So here’s some truth: Physical violence, putting someone domestic violence letterdown, rationalizing violence and blaming another person for your actions are ALL signs of domestic violence. What you’re dealing with right now IS domestic violence.

You were absolutely right to reach out for help by writing this letter. It means that you’re starting to really see the signs of abuse and violence in your relationship. I hope that you’ll not only see the signs but also find the strength to follow your instincts. And the good news is that our community has a lot of people standing by who are ready to help you and want to help you.

Please write down this information because you need to know about the Peace at Home Shelter, which is located right here in Northwest Arkansas. The people there are trained to help women going through domestic violence. They can help you learn more about this issue so that it doesn’t continue to escalate. And they are open all the time. If you call this number (877-442-9811), someone will be there to answer it 24-hours a day. You can also get information from the shelter’s website by clicking HERE.

Please reach out to them or to the mental health professionals here at Ozark Guidance. Don’t wait until your story becomes a news headline before you get the help you deserve. We’ll be thinking about you and wishing you the very best.

Therapists at Ozark Guidance would be happy to answer your questions and read what’s on your mind. Click the butterfly icon below to fill out an anonymous submission form with your question or concern. The form contains NO identifying information and is designed to give local women an online place to share concerns with a person qualified to offer feedback.

Disclaimer: This RESPONSE does not provide medical advice It is intended for informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Never ignore professional medical advice in seeking treatment because of something you have read on nwaMotherlode or Ozark Guidance websites.

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