By Jade Stone
Last time I left you with the chance encounter at the airport and said I would tell you the rest of the story later…I suppose it’s later! (Click here for romantic Part 1)
The lethargy didn’t leave, nor did that awful sick feeling after my return from the Dominican Republic. I just couldn’t shake that same crummy feeling I contracted while over there..
My mom of course had the answer. There are only two things in her world when a girl gets sick…you either have a parasite, or you are pregnant. While I wasn’t willing to believe in her parasite theory, I knew it wasn’t the latter so I became concerned. I conceded, against my better judgment, to take a pregnancy test which immediately popped positive.
Knowing this couldn’t be right, I called the Dr. who also became concerned and asked me to come in for blood tests. By 4pm that same day the Dr. called again and explained that there was a problem with my hormone levels and that she was afraid there was something left over from the miscarriage that would have to be surgically removed. She wanted me to have an Ultra sound first thing the next day to see how bad things were. At this point, Jay is gone; I feel horrible and have steeled myself for the worst.
The Dr. enters the room with that same grave look on her face that I had seen before and explains she believes this is a molar pregnancy which is basically tissue growing with no embryo.
Just my luck. We start the ultra sound and her facial expression changes and she says, and I quote “Oh my Gosh!”…now, there are a few things that I don’t want to hear from a Dr. and that is one of them…way to put me at ease Doc.
She smiles huge and says “you have a heartbeat!” The cynical person I’ve become not understanding her point retorts “yeah, Doc, I’m breathing too but that’s nothing new”.
She laughed at me and said “No, I mean a baby, you have a baby and it must be 8 weeks or close to it!” Now can imagine the shock. You’ve been told it’s not possible; and now the prayers that went unanswered all of a sudden have come to fruition. And then a slice of humble pie came my way…I would have to tell mom that she was right. It sort of is a parasite!
I was elated and scared and thrilled and yet, I would experience these emotions alone. As it turned out, at the time I was 7 weeks pregnant and had to tell Jay about it on the phone.
You know when someone is so happy they begin to cry and you can hear it in his or her voice? Well I could hear his tears. He was so happy. Apparently I made his day! And then the stars aligned yet again, and he received a 3 day pass just before shipping off to Afghanistan.
I scheduled an Ultrasound so he could see it before he left and would have a least a small part in the process. I was nearly 13 weeks when he came home. It seemed that we might actually get to have this one. I’m sure you can imagine his excitement and yet I could tell it was tinged with dismay because he would miss the birth and at least 3 months of its life. But, I explained that I was strong, and could do it and that he shouldn’t worry because they don’t get really cute until after 3 months anyway! He didn’t appreciate my humor. So much for trying to lighten things up!
Jay has now been overseas for a month and this pregnancy has been far worse than the first. At about 17 weeks I started to feel somewhat human again but still not great. Then I was told that because the placenta is sitting on the cervix (I didn’t know it could do that) I needed to take it easy. I can still work but nothing more.
I have to admit my cynicism is getting worse. I simply said “ok” but what I was thinking was “ok so who’s going to take care of my other kiddo, clean my house, cook and do laundry??” Yeah, we both know the answer to that: no one. So needless to say I have been forced to do something I’ve never done before and that is-be still.
I’m not good at it and I have to have a pep talk with myself once in a while to remind myself what is important and what is not. Laundry can wait, it will still be there tomorrow and as much as it pains me to say, it’s true. Making sure the “parasite” is healthy has to be number one and everything else can wait. Yes, it goes against everything that I am but maybe I needed a lesson in patience. In any case, I will do my best.
I talk to Jay on the phone once a week and occasionally we email when he can but it’s hard to keep up with someone whose schedule is 9.5 hours ahead of your own, but we manage. I don’t share about how hard it’s been because he doesn’t need to worry and honestly, it doesn’t serve any other purpose but to worry him.
As long as everything is fine, my discomfort is not important. I wish I could say the deployment is moving quickly but unfortunately, this baby just reminds me of how wonderful and amazing he was to me with our first son and I miss that now, but I guess you do what has to be done. In the meantime, we take things one day at a time and just keep putting one foot in front of another. We get to find out what it is next week so I will keep you posted. Start thinking of names now because I will take all the suggestions I can get!
Jade welcomes your comments here as well as any suggestions you may have for her future posts. You may also e-mail her at firstname.lastname@example.org. To read previous Military Mama posts, CLICK HERE.